I’ve had this overwhelming desire to smile and laugh the last couple of days, and have found myself indulging in both a lot. It’s as if I had a great moment of enlightenment that has allowed me to see possibilities that I’d never knew existed before. It seems to be contagious too, for my husband has been wittier and more laid back then I’ve seen him in years. Perhaps it’s because we both know nothing is holding us back from being happy now. The past is just that…the past…and the only thing a head is the future. I have a damn good husband, and can’t believe I never really noticed before. Not only a good husband, but also eye-candy. What the hell could I have been thinking all this time?!!
I think most of us get so caught up in our day-to-day lives, the things we want, and the things we don’t have, we forget the importance of the things we do. We forget a little can and does go a long way: You don’t need a big, fancy house if the one you already live in feels like home. You don’t need a new car if the one you have has become ‘old faithful’, starts every morning in a pinch, gets you where you need to go, and requires little maintenance. You don’t need a new relationship to make you feel young and alive if the man you’re with still looks at you as if you are. The only thing you really need is the desire and eyes to see all of the above. This is what’s happening to me.
I’ve looked around the last couple days at my surroundings, my life, and paid attention to all the details. Everything. From each creak in the old floor, to how I positioned my collection of silver, to how comfortable my husband and I are with each other. Everything. I found the life and relationship I’ve been wanting is one I already have. The only thing that’s been wrong with it is I never noticed before. How fortunate is that, when you’re able to realize what you have before you lose it? Oh, don’t get me wrong, there are still some wrinkles that need to be ironed out—quite a few, in fact—but as long as the suit is still in good shape, that’s the easy part.
I don’t know when the hell I became so high maintenance as to think I needed so much more to make me happy. I never had before. Simple things have always pleased me: Oldies on the radio that make me want to dance while I’m doing dishes; the unmistakable scent of Noxzema and Sea Breeze that throws me back to my teens. Playtex gloves, that allows me to do most any job without the “Ick” factor of crap getting on my hands. Being able to wear a facial mask, or walk around bare as the day I was born in front of my husband without being self-conscious. These things. These little things are the ones that should really matter.
I don’t know how long this euphoric feeling will last. I just know while its here I’m going to be grateful for it, allow myself to enjoy it, and use it to my advantage if I can. I feel like I’ve been given a gift; a gift that’s been sitting for a long while that I never bothered to unwrap before.
Why do we do that, assume just because the box is bigger, the wrapping paper and bows more elaborate, that it means the contents are going to be so much more interesting and to our liking? Many times I’ve had the misfortune of getting excited over the trimmings, only to find the box was empty upon careful examination; empty, or just plain full of shit I can’t use or don’t want. I think this time I’m going to take my chances with the one in plain, brown paper, thank you very much. After all, some of the naughtiest surprises arrive in the mail wrapped in…what?