The Brand Runs Small. I Swear!

     I’ve started getting a touch of the blah’s again. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could keep it to myself, but when I start getting moody, I turn foul easily, and well…no one is happy in the house when mama’s pissy. I blame it on the Midwest weather. Right about this time of year when seasons begin to change, the days run hot and cold from week to week. This fluctuating temp change gets me excited about Spring one day, then throws me right back in Winter the next. It’s miserable.

     Apparently, I’m not the only one affected by Mother Nature’s sense of humor. Pandora Patty said she’s been on edge too, but blames it on being in sync with her close, female friends and family members; much like how we all seem to merge into one cycle at the same time. She could have a point there; pissiness can be very contagious.

     In an attempt to overcome my winter blues I’ve been perusing swimsuits this morning online. I thought a new, sassy suit would be just the thing to put me in a good mood, and give me something to look forward to. Eh…maybe I jumped to conclusions. So far I haven’t been able to find anything…and I do mean anything that I’m satisfied with. And trust me, I’ve looked at everything from black, modest skirtini’s to paisley-print, string bikini’s. There was not one suit that grabbed my attention and screamed, “Buy me! I’m going to look great on you!!” At this point I’m willing to admit it’s probably just me and I’m not as comfortable with myself as I’d like to admit, because there has to be something out there that would look good on me.

     My fear of swimwear isn’t exactly my fault. I was, for the most part, confident until I was introduced to Pandora Patty’s digital camera a year and a half ago. Yeah, pics don’t lie, but I give any and all of you credit if you can convince yourself that the camera really does put on an extra 10 (or if you’re really delusional…20) pounds. This camera, with its eye for detail, caught me running in the surf and lying on the beach during our girl’s vacation to Myrtle Beach; neither is flattering. Sadly, I even tried to ‘suck’ in a little, which defeated the purpose because Pandora Patty got me to laughing about it, and in my attempt to look concave resemble more a stiff corpse in an advanced stage of rigor mortis than anything. SEXY..SEXY MAMA! Thus, the reason I’m a bit gun-shy about what I wear now.

     I’m willing to admit it’s probably time to Goodwill the bikinis and slip into a more-appropriate-for-my-age one-piece. I know I was met with a bit of resistance when I first brought this up to Pandora Patty, but have only to look at the source to understand why. She doesn’t get it because she can WEAR ANYTHING. She’s got that particular shade of olive skin that goes with any color, and the body of a 19 year old. No, I’m not shitting you. And she’s going to be 50 in May! This is the kind of thing that could ruin a friendship, and would if I didn’t love her so much.

     I’ve been asking myself all morning the question “Is it too late to change?” Pandora Patty, Debbie and I have been tossing around the idea the past couple weeks of maybe setting up a long, holiday weekend in the Keys for just us girls. Nothing elaborate or lengthy, just a few days away to meet up, get toasted, and wallow in the sun. Finding the funds and arranging it around schedules could be tricky, but I think we’re all stoked enough we might be able to pull it off. Knowing this I again ask myself, “Is it too late to change?”

     I bought myself an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, tropical bikini the last time I was in Key West. I barely had a chance to wear it before the suit became very unforgiving of the extra pounds that found its way onto my midsection. It’s lain in the bottom of my summer drawer since, as useless as tits on a boar. I think I’m going to put that thing on today and see what I have to work with. Maybe that and the possibility of this trip is enough to get me motivated. Maybe that’s the excuse I need to stop making all the other excuses, I don’t know. Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll indulge in those donuts and just by a bigger suit. Hmm…decisions…decisions… I’ll keep you all updated.

One thought on “The Brand Runs Small. I Swear!

  1. Um, actually, Lulu, it’s going to be my 51st this year! I can’t help it — it’s my metabolism and good genes!! (Thanks, Dad.) I wasn’t blessed with your looks, was I?

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