“Hey, Hey, Hey…It’s gonna be a great day!”
No, seriously. I feel better today than I’ve felt in weeks. I think part of it was the decision I made to deactivate my Facebook page yesterday. I swear! I felt this huge relief flood over me the moment I closed it, like someone who’d been wearing a dirty shirt for a while and finally had the opportunity to take it off. Have you ever gone into a certain establishment, someone’s home, or are just in the company of the wrong individuals and almost feel ‘dirty’ by association…like you need a bath when you get home? Yeah, it’s that feeling. ((Ewww!!)) Ah well; it’s over and done with now. Lesson learned. Not every place is for everyone, and that one’s definitely not for me. It’s way too intrusive for my taste.
I see myself evolving in so many different ways right now, even though I have many moments that appear to be setbacks. If they are they’re only temporary, and within days I feel empowered and levelheaded again. I think because I’m beginning to trust my own judgment and gut-instinct more, and am relying less on what my head, heart, or others are telling me. I’ve adopted the attitude: If it isn’t helping me, then it’s hurting me. If it doesn’t feel right, then it’s not right. If it looks like a dog, smells like a dog, and barks like a dog, then it’s a m-f’ing dog! And you know what happens when you lie with dogs…you get fleas! No more. They can take their flea-ridden asses and find someone else to scratch their itch. If I use my nails for anything it’s going to be to claw my way out of this dependence that’s suffocating me, and scratching anyone and everyone that gets in my way. Nice people finish last, so it’s a good thing I’m not feeling particularly ‘nice’ anymore.
I went on strike today. We’ll see what comes out of that. It’s one thing that my husband refuses to get me a dishwasher because I’ll still do them, but an entirely different story that he’s taking his time fixing the pipes that froze and cracked under the kitchen sink three months ago. Up till now I’ve been more than understanding, and have been willing to drag basins of water from the bathtub to the kitchen to do them. Yesterday I put my foot down. I warned him if he didn’t get it taken care of this weekend since the weather is decent, he or my son would be doing them themselves. Apparently he’s calling my bluff, because it didn’t get done and he’s not even home today. We’ll see how long it takes before he either gets tired of scrubbing dried food off them himself, or watching them pile up around him; even more power to him if he can get that lazy kid to do them.
Right now I’m just enjoying the quiet of the afternoon and relaxing. “Ahhh…” What shall I do with the rest of my day?