Burning Bridges

Weekly Horoscope by JONATHAN CAINER

Scorpio, Saturday, 2 April 2011
Your Week Ahead – Love Focus: Participants in reality TV shows have to wear a microphone at all times. Eventually, they forget they have it on. They say things that could get them into trouble or cause great embarrassment without realising their words are being broadcast. You are now being watched (and listened to) more carefully than you may think… Unless you really don’t care who knows what about you, watch what you say and to whom you say it. Don’t be deceptive… but don’t trumpet all truths from the rooftops either. You’ll make ever greater progress as long as you can be reasonably discreet.

Did you get all of that? Did you have a ‘Hmmm?’ moment? I did. Now I’m asking myself “How much is too much?” Am I discarding lit matches with my blog, unaware that I’m burning bridges? Should I pull back the reins a little on my writing and monitor more what I divulge? Should I turn down the volume a little on my voice, because the decibel level is getting too high? Should I? Wait…but isn’t that what I’ve already been doing for years by being so agreeable to what everyone else wants; pulling back, turning down the volume, and eventually just giving in to keep the peace? Huh? In the words of Dr. Phil “How’d that work for ya?” The answer: “Not very damn well!”

I love reading Jonathan Cainer. I don’t think it’s so much ‘what’ he says, or even whether I believe it, but rather how he says it. I read my dailies and weekly’s from him and Daniel Dowd. I make sure I save my monthly from Susan Miller under my favorites so I can return occasionally to see how accurate she was. I read these three; to you know…get a ‘heads-up’ on what could occur. Most of the time it’s just a bunch of BS, but I have to admit, this little ditty made me reconsider what I’ve been doing, saying, etc…well, for a minute, anyway.

I wonder, where’s the scale that tells you what is too much? Apparently it’s different for all of us, because I’ve been perusing others blogs a lot lately, and find I fall somewhere between the tight-assed and diarrhea blogs. I wonder how some people stay married, have intimate relationships, or keep friends, after some of the shit they write. Likewise, how do others stay afloat at all when they have nothing to say? Do any of them wonder where that line is too? I admit the ones I find most interesting are the tell-all, bare-all, balls-to-the-wall ones. Why? I can relate to them. I find comfort and a sort of camaraderie with others who’ve had shitty marriages, backstabbing friends, imperfect children, difficulty surviving on low wages, bouts of depression, desire to reinvent themselves…the list is endless. And also, when I’ve tired of commiserating with the glass-half-empty people like me, I can turn to wicked humor, devotional, and ‘thankful’ posts to uplift me, and fill me back up. Why does that work? Because they were all HONEST, opened the door to their lives, and like a thief I was able to slip in and take something away from each.

It amazes me that so many people have elaborated on their About Me pages that the reason behind their blogs was to heal. Ya know, cause I thought I came up with that notion…or something. Duh! And it’s true. Honestly, that was the only reason I decided to write was to just get shit off my chest, and hope that I might be successful in answering my own questions in doing so. So why now am I questioning my right to have an opinion again?

Other than a few folk I have no idea who gets on here and reads this shit. I really don’t, and am not even sure if I were you I’d even want to. Personally, I like to hang out on “My Parents Are Crazier Than Yours” (hope she doesn’t mind the little ‘plug’ I just gave her). That broad is a freakin riot! I shit you not! She’s just ‘full’ of dry humor, my favorite. Me? Well, I have difficulty seeing the light at the tunnel most days. I pour forth flaws and imperfections from myself and mine, and the best you can hope to take away might be a ‘light bulb’ moment when you’re able to say, “Ah-ha! Me too!” Occasionally, I invite the reader into my life to sit, lounge with a drink if they wish, and listen with their eyes to me tell a story. That’s all I’ve got folks. Just me and a lot of obtuse thoughts.

I’m not reconsidering how or why I write. If you’re one of those I’ve extended this bridge out to in the past, you now feel it’s damaged and you can no longer make a connection with me because of what or how I said something, I’m sorry. I truly am…for you. I’m no longer in the bridge-building business. I shut down the company, I sold all my wares, and I’m plum out of them. I got tired of keeping my end of the ropes up and watching the other end fray. You want to be a part of my life you’re going to have to find another way around to get to me this time. It just is what it is…I am who I am…anyone/everyone is just going to have to deal with it.

That being said, I fully expect next week’s horoscope to say something like, “You had to go and do it anyway, didn’t you? Now look at the mess you’ve created and how untidy your life is! The stars never lie.” You get my drift.

Well, I was going to end today’s post with that, but my daughter just called and interrupted my writing for a few minutes. She just wanted to say “Hi” and to tell me that she’s been reading my post daily during her breaks at work. I thought that was nice that she took time out to see how things were going in my world everyday, then she blurted out something that made my mind stagger back a bit.

“You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, and feel sorry for him. When you leave he’s not going to have anything; everything is yours. When you leave he’s not going to have anyone but his dad, and how long do you think he’s going to live? How far do you think his friends are going to go when he only sees them on the weekends? Who’s going to take care of him and his house then? You have a lot of people that will support you; he has none. You need to feel sorry for him, not yourself!”

I get it, Jess. Thanks for reminding me that I’ve got a lot more to work with than I give myself credit for, I’m not alone, I’m not a victim in this, but that in fact…he is. I’m strong and I’ll be fine. My daughter is so smart! “How the hell did you get so smart with a dim-witted mom like me? I love ya, Stinky! Thanks for the pep talk.”

4 thoughts on “Burning Bridges

    1. And you are very welcome…and well worth the nudge!
      Stop wasting your time worrying about finding work doing something else. You are completely missing your calling by fretting over that crap! You have a huge career ahead of you and a lot of money to be made. Get out there and make it! I’ll be your first sale. Promise!

  1. There is a fine line between telling too much and telling nothing. But I think it all comes down to what you are comfortable with. Freedom of speech and all that.

    1. Thank you. And although I do try to take some responsibility for how it may affect others, I try not to stifle my voice anymore.
      I hope you’re planning on getting in on that poetry contest I was reading about in your comments. You are waaay too eloquent with words to keep them hidden in your blog. I hope you make a move on it. I see wonderful things happening in your future with your writing.

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