Life For LetPosted: April 7, 2011
LIFE FOR LET
Tired of having it too easy? Ever had a desire to see how the other-half live? Well, then have I got a deal for you!
You too can be the proud, temporary, resident of a hovel. Imagine the surprise and envy of your well-to-do friends when you invite them over to grill weenies in the sticks and drink warm/flat beer. The satisfaction you’ll get from saying you’ve survived squalor. Be the first on your block to do without, squirm with excuses, and slum it. To have material to blog about. Yes, this dream can be yours!
Your Other-Half Life is move-in-ready. Fully equipped with, but not limited to: Cracked plaster walls, un-tiled kitchen sub-floor, empty propane tank, no air, old fuse box, bad wiring, carpeting resonant with the Brady Bunch era, drafty windows, front-door sans trim, endless supply of possum roaming free on the property, Asian-Beetles that are clever enough to find their way in through every crack, ready-made family, pets… And so much more!
Applications are now being accepted. Qualifying Renter will meet these specifications: Must have career, financial stability, social life, no history of depression, drivers license, reliable transportation; heat, central air, proper plumbing, and dishwasher in previous home. In other words, the total opposite of me!
Terms and Conditions are as follows, but not limited to: Must stay in residence for entire duration from agreed lease arrival to departure date, like prison inmate. Must play Cinder-ella and be willing to clean ashes from the noisy fireplace insert and off every surface in entire house, carry wood like work-mule, wash endless supply of dishes by hand like paid help (only there’s no pay), be drug by large dog on chain, wade through landmines of dog poo to take said dog off chain, have a great eye for detail in finding clothes strewn randomly through the house, tucked in crevices, etc and be willing to pick them up, wash, fold, and put them away. Must listen to husband drone on about work related problems, son complain relentlessly about trivial chores, awful music at high decibels, be willing to give up remote when asked, have no opinion and feign happiness.
Rental price and duration of Lease will be discussed upon passing qualifications. Small deposit required (to get my ass out of town!) Contract is binding once signed. I will not take it or them back until Lease is fulfilled. In the event of a cancellation there will be no refund on deposit.
Disclaimer: Husband still bites, but only playfully. Is known to try and hump the leg, but will stop if you kick him off like I do. Completely housebroke, and free to roam as he always comes back. Son too is housebroke, but keep him chained as he has a tendency to stray and you can’t find him. Husband and son included in Lease. This is not negotiable. Pets also included, but better trained than family. Owner not responsible in the event of renter’s nervous breakdown. Apply at your own risk!
Interested parties can contact me through my blog address.