“I’d Like To Return This, Thank you.”

Today is my anniversary. “Blah..blah..blah..”

I thought I’d take a siesta from my pc today, spruce up the joint a little, and have a ‘me’ day (facial, manicure, pedicure, etc). Yeah, okay…cause when was the last time I was allowed a good day?

I started arguing with my husband last night. He’s pissed about the well (problem isn’t the jet pump after all), and pissed off that my son doesn’t do more around here. This morning I got to argue with my son before he left for school. Yippee for me! Way to start my day!!

Son: “Why’s he mad? I didn’t do anything.”

Me: “Exactly. That’s why he’s mad.”

Son: “Why?”

Me: “Because you don’t do any-thing.”

Son: “Well, what am I supposed to do.”

Me: “Whatever we ask.” Now I’m getting pissy. “You don’t have any designated chores, we cut you tons of slack and let you run, still all you want to do is sit on the phone with your girlfriend when you’re home, and we gotta pull teeth to get you to help out. I mean, how hard is it to let the dog out?”

Son: “I don’t like to take the dog out.”

Me: “I don’t either, but I do it.”

Son: “I shouldn’t have to. It’s not my dog it’s his. I didn’t ask for it, I don’t want it, why should I have to help take care of it?”

Me: “Really? I’m sure he feels the same sometimes too, but he does it.”

Son: “What?”

Me: “You’re not his ‘real’ son. He didn’t ask for you. I’m sure there are times he wishes he didn’t have the responsibility, but still he helps take care of you.”

Son: “And I respect him more than my own dad. Even more than you, because you yell at me all the time.” Now I can see his little mind going to work as he’s giving thought to something. “Besides, you should be doing it. His job is going to work, mine is school, and yours is supposed to be the house.”

Now this isn’t the first time he’s gone there. Yes, believe it or not he’s still around to talk about the last ‘episode’! Honestly, I can’t believe he’s brave enough to try and go there again! I just kept thinking to myself as I’m biting my tongue, OH, NO HE DIDN’T! OH, NO HE DIDN’T! Oh, but yes he had. Brave little fucker, isn’t he? He needs to be especially nice to me right now, because my patience and tolerance for men and their shit is at an all time low, and he’s a mere six months from his 18th birthday. He may wind up out on his ear the following day if he’s not careful!

I don’t know what’s happened to me. My two older children would’ve never thought of getting away with that shit, and wouldn’t have. I was the mother that raised them with an iron fist. The same one who informed them the first time they came home and told me that I couldn’t spank them because it was against the law and I would go to jail, that I would beat their asses if I damn well pleased. I told them that the cops could take me to jail and put them in foster care. I’d get bailed out and would not be attending the required parenting classes to get them back. “I can love you ANYWHERE you are! Makes no difference to me whether you’re with me or not.” Oh, they knew! My kids aren’t perfect, and my oldest has made some reeeeally bad choices (which is why he’s where he is), but I never had to worry about either of them raising a hand to hit me, or any of that shit that other parents had to put up with. I would’ve knocked the snot out of them if they’d tried. So why am I such a softie now?

Anyway, to hell with both of them! I don’t care if a damn thing gets done around here today, and I look like the ‘bitter, old hag’ I’m becoming when they both get home. I AM SICK..SICK..SICK..OF THEIR SHIT! Instead, I decided to jump on here and spend the morning with some of you. It’s pretty sad when you begin to prefer your cyber-life over your real one, isn’t it?

Wouldn’t it be great if you could exchange your family like you can a bad purchase?

Customer Service Clerk: “What’s the matter.”

Me: “It’s not a good fit.”

CSC: “We don’t give refunds, only store credit.”

Me: “I’ll take it!”

12 thoughts on ““I’d Like To Return This, Thank you.”

  1. Oh yes he did! Can you believe the little shit?!
    Oh, he don’t even know what I’m capable of. He needs to sit down and chat with his older siblings. They’ve tried to tell him that I wasn’t as easy on them as I’ve been on him, but he ain’t listening. He’s about due for me to open a can of ‘WHOOP-ASS!’ on him.
    Yeah, I’ve been off for a while. Decided to pamper myself for a bit. Now I look beautiful! Yay!! Fat lotta good it does me. Ain’t planning on nuttin tonight. I got the wedding to wake up to at 3 am. 🙂 Oh, well. I feel better. I’m going to check the rest of my emails.

  2. Oh, I’m sorry you’re going through this on your anniversary. Damn, Mama said there’d be days like this (she just didn’t say just how many). My little one is now 23 and the mouth still exists. They know so much more than us, ya know (NOT). I hope your day improves and that bright spot shows itself. If nothing else – we have tomorrow to look forward to. 🙂

    1. Yeah, what’s up with that? My anniversary is supposed to be a good day, dammit!
      I got a 26 and 23 year old too, and I gotta tell ya I never had the problems with their mouths the way I have his. And I thought my daughter was mouthy as a teen. Piece of cake!
      Oh well, don’t feel sorry for me…I’m the hand that rocks the cradle and the one that wields the axe. I fixed his red wagon, his date with his girl tomorrow night is off! Let him stew in those juices for a while and sit home with his raggy, old mom.

  3. I was going to say another thing altogether before I got to the end of your entry, which made me go: TWILIGHT ZONE! This reminds me of Children’s Zoo: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Children's_Zoo_(The_Twilight_Zone)

    I thought back on that episode all the time. If I got ticked with my mom, I’d think, I’m trading you in. Then I’d reconsider–what if she wanted to trade me in? I might end up with even worse!

    “Even worse,” that is, by my teen standards. 😉

    As for the rest of the entry? Oh no he didn’t. RAWR. I think spending on time with the comparatively un-maddening folks ’round these parts is a good call.

  4. Oh Lou! You make me laugh! If you could bottle your humour and sell it you’d make a fortune. I’m spreading the luurve today. Have some! Give yourself a wee break, your clearly need and deserve it. Sometimes with all that family shit you just have to be the bigger person and step back, breath and lower those old expectations that have been brainwashed into us. Families are bloody hard work no matter the make up. The fact you all speak to each other? Trust me that’s a very good sign and you’re doing a great job. Ok they might not be saying what you want to hear but who ever does? Treat yourself the way you want them to, they’ll soon get the message. Sometimes if it looks like you don’t need anyone to do anything in particular – they start doing it! I’m rooting for you.

    1. I’m glad someone’s rooting for me.
      Oooohh Penny, I am just so damn mad at that kid right now I could freaking scream! Of all the arrogance! I breast-fed that little bastard, Dammit! He contributed greatly to my boob post. The nerve!
      God, it’s not even 9:30 am my time and I need a cocktail already, and my fridge is bone dry! Oooh..that makes me even madder!!!!
      I NEED A DAMN VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      1. Just remember how gorgeous he was when you were breastfeeding him! One I used to try when I was ready to kill someone – just keep saying to them “I love you. do you know that? I love you” Amazing how it would defuse any insult. You do need a vacation – can you take yourself outside and park your but on a chair with a cup of your fav tipple and just relax? Or maybe it’s freezing there? We’re having weird hot weather here – it’l probably rain all summer! I hope you manage to get some peace. Write another post!

        1. Oh, he was a beautiful baby alright, but at the rate he’s going he may never make it to have any of his own to enjoy. Although that would be the perfect punishement. You know I was just thinking aobut going outside and lounging for a bit. I think it’s about 60 degrees right now, and is supposed to get to 68 today. Not bad, considering what it has been like. I have no stuff for cocktails though! Drat!! 😦

        2. Umm..I meant (about). See, we all make errors. I just use the excuse my mind is pickled. Probably my liver too, if I were to be honest. I was a drinking Mo-Fo when I managed the bar. I think I liked myself better then too.

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