Dry Humor Is My Drug Of Choice

I’ve really got to stop watching the early morning news. There’s just nothing quite like starting your day to a fresh cup of coffee with a little murder and mayhem. Goodness…you can feel the warmth just radiate through you. Ugh!

So here I am at six am, lying in bed, enjoying my first cup of the day, and watching The Today Show, which allows occasional interruptions of your own news and weather. There’s been a shooting in the Omaha area—surprise…surprise…as if we don’t already know that’s a metropolis of misery—a drive-by in someone’s home in Council Bluffs near where I used to live, a double shooting not far away in Southwest Iowa—I think the guy claimed when he placed the call that he murdered his wife and was turning the gun on himself—and a suspected tornado tore through another small, Southwestern Iowa town. Notice I said, ‘suspected’. Are they ignorant? How is it a ‘suspected’ tornado when people are missing the second story of their house? Umm…what do they think did that, wind? Duh!

Now that’s just the local shit, mind you. The Today show is covering the Mississippi flooding, the Cannes film festival, and for good measure throws a little, Omar Bin Laden in to mix it up some. I’m sitting there trying to get over the horror of the flooding and tragic look on the face of a big, burley man who’s having to leave a home he says he built with his own two hands, when suddenly the coverage skips over to Meredith Vieira’s smiling face as she’s sitting with her back to what I can only assume is Port De Cannes Marina, with like a bazillion yachts anchored. Yeah, way to make the flood victims and their plight seem reeeeally important, dumb-asses! And I mean the anchors don’t miss a beat in switching ‘plastic’ faces from one emotion to another. Is it just me, or do the rest of you find this appalling?

Okay, so you know I almost expect this. I mean, they have a job to do, and frankly I’m partial to that particular show because I actually think they do it better than anyone else. Still, it tends to weigh uneasily on me sometimes, and I have a hard time stomaching it. The really ironic part though is that I found something about the interview on Omar Bin Laden more disturbing, and frankly what disturbed me most was that I did. Shamefully, it wasn’t his rant that the United States assassinated his father, but rather the way he looked. How he was dressed. I found myself sitting up in bed and putting on my glasses to make sure he didn’t just have on a black shirt, or something. No, it was a black, leather, biker jacket. A biker jacket? I don’t know why I found this so absurd, but I actually started laughing and couldn’t help thinking What a poser! God, I hope that isn’t a cheesy attempt on his part to try and appear more Americanized. I can just picture his asking someone to run out and find a visual aid that clearly depicts an adult, American male, and them coming back with an old, vcr tape of some shit like “Rebel Without A Cause” or “Easy Rider”. He sits there watching the tape, while fingering his goatie. “Hmm…so that’s how they roll. Go get me a jacket!”

Eh, I know most of you don’t see the humor in things that I do, but that’s okay…any way I can get it works for me. I had this discussion with Pandora Patty some time ago about my personality. We talked about how people either love me or hate me, and why I was so confused about that. I mean I’m a really approachable person; I’ve been told easy on the eyes, always try to be respectful and courteous of others, generous when the opportunity presents itself and I’m able to help, have a great sense of humor, errrrrr…..screech…..HALT!

Pandora Patty:  “It’s a dry sense of humor.”

Me:  “I thought I was funny. I have a dry sense of humor?”

Pandora Patty:  “Yep.”

Me:  “That comes across as sarcasm, right?”

Pandora Patty:  “Yep.”

Me:  “Seriously?”

Pandora Patty.  “Well, yeah…no one’s ever told you that before?” She sounds surprised, and I’m not sure if I should be concerned by that.

Me:  I almost hesitate to answer, as I’m digging deep in my memories for the reactions of numerous people from my past. “No. They either laugh and join in, or just walk away. I just thought they had a lousy sense of humor or something.”

Pandora Patty:  “No, it’s because they don’t ‘get’ you. They don’t know if you’re joking or not.” She says this with a bit of humor, like she still can’t believe that this personality trait of mine has gone completely unnoticed by me.

Me:  “No shit? Well, that explains a lot, doesn’t it? But you think I’m funny. I make you laugh all the time…” Now I’m shamefully fishing for a little reassurance after just realizing I come across as a complete bitch to most people.

Pandora Patty:  She laughs. “Yeah, I do. But I have a dry sense of humor too, so I ‘get’ you.”

Wow! Was all I could think. How the hell did that slip past me? It made a lot of sense though. I’ve always said that when people first meet me they either love me or hate me, they get me or they don’t. Sheesh, I thought it was because I either have a potty mouth, women feel threatened by me because I come across as too flirty, or because I’m honest to a fault and it annoys the hell out of them. It’s my sense of humor? Okay, I admit probably the other too, but I can more readily accept that about myself, because well…I already knew that! Anyway, I found that to be a major moment of enlightenment that bugged me at first, I thought I should perhaps pay more attention to how I’m coming across to people, then quickly decided that if they don’t get me in the first place, they’re probably not the type of people I would choose to hang with anyway (this is where I chime in singing, “I got friends in lowwww places…”), so basically fuck em if they can’t take MY joke!

So anyway, I thought the Omar Bin Laden apparel thing hilarious anyway, and a good chuckle is a great way to start one’s day. Dry humor can be a great drug to take the edge off. How about you? What crazy shit did you find humor in? What’s your drug of choice?

21 thoughts on “Dry Humor Is My Drug Of Choice

  1. My sense of humour is dry/black – call it what you like. Its mine and it gets me through some pretty ugly shit. And it sounds as if yours does too. Where would you be without it? And I should add that I snicker at your humour too, as do a lot of people.
    Go with what works for you.

    1. I can’t NOT go with it. Apparently it’s just who I am. I still can’t believe though that I never realized I had a dry sense of humor before. And honestly, I didn’t until she told me that. Funny thing is, all these years she’s known me the subject had never been brought up, and she really thought I knew that about myself.
      Well, I’m glad you have a dry/black sense of humor, because I guess I do to, and you are obviously a good ‘fit’ for me. We get along fab! 😉

    1. Well, Hi Renee! Happy Friday the 13th 😉
      Yeah, these bitches are crazy, aren’t they? Just my kinda people! I think I enjoy the comment boxes on blogs more than I do posts. I’d like to think that my blog is one of those, Anything-you-dare-say-is-allowed-here-cause-I-don’t-give-a-shit blogs. Definitely not the kind of blog that insecure men want to read, that’s for sure.
      Hey, I’ve tried to contact you several times. You didn’t get my message? I haven’t been able to get through your link. 😦

  2. Well, we both know the wrapping doesn’t necessarily mean what’s inside the box is worth it, don’t we?

    1. Yeah, don’t I know it! I’ve got a long line of ‘pretty boys’ behind me–notice how I didn’t say under my belt, cause that would just be trashy. Okay, fuck that! I got a long line of Pretty Boys under my belt that were like a stack of Christmas presents wrapped up in fine paper and bows, but the boxes themselves were empty, empty, empty. I know about pretty wrapping and empty boxes. I guess the nice thing about getting old and my losing the ‘luster’ is I don’t have to worry about being chased by losers anymore. Yippy-skippy for me!

  3. Yeah, was that mansion a piece of shit, or what? Wow! Way to invest your money wisely.
    Hey, I do have to admit, he’s actually pretty good looking. Consider the guys I’ve dated: Frank (Indian/Italian), Michael (Mexican/Indian), and those are the only ones you’ve met. Doug actually isn’t my type. I like them dark, mysterious boys. I’d do freaking Troy Polamalu of the Pittsburgh Steelers in a minute! Him and that crazy-ass hair. Oh, you know how I love the hair!! Hell, I’d even follow football for that guy, and I hate it. Of course, that depends on the endowment. Do you remember my telling you about the really hot, Hawaiian UPS guy that kept hitting on me, but for some reason it didn’t ‘feel’ right so I handed him off to Stevie one night to take home if she wanted. She laughed her ass off the next day, and told me it was a good thing I hadn’t bothered because he was a ‘little smokie’. Ha..ha.. Troy is Samoan. Isn’t that like Hawaiian? I guess I’d better just stick with my dirty white boys.

  4. Like you’d want to go for a ride with Omar! teehee Let’s go baby! Would you like to see my daddy’s complex?
    Something was burning, but I don’t think it was my ears.

  5. Thank you all for appreciating Pissy Kitty’s sense of humo(u)r like I do! It’s not for the weak minded or insecure, most definitely. I’ve always enjoyed meeting someone who isn’t out to impress others but just be themselves.
    As for the “Today” show — you have to keep in mind that all facets of the news must be covered, politically correct (according to whoever has the deepest pockets to air the telecast) and varied. We would complain if it didn’t show real life or lightheartedness to take the edge off it.

    1. Well, ‘HI’ Pandora Patty! Were your damn ears, umm…eyes…umm, whatever…ringing? I was doing some name-dropping and you found me out! 🙂
      Yes, I know they have to cover certain things, but doesn’t it bother you sometimes how they go from “Sad news out of such-and-such Alabama today. Police still have no suspects in the string of rape/murders that are occuring in this small town. To date, there are fourteen victims now and the count just seems to be rising. Back to you Jan”… “Thanks, Paul. (small giggle) No, you’re not seeing double, the annual twins convention is in town…” blah, blah, blah, blah, blah… Maybe it’s just me, but it bugs the hell out of me. I say either cover all the happy shit, sad shit, or serious shit at once then move onto something else. This mix-it-up shit is hard on the nerves.
      I guess I can’t complain. I did get a pretty good laugh out of the Omar thing. I have no idea why I found that so ridiculously funny. Maybe it was just because he reminded me of so many of the poser’s we’ve encountered in our day, that think all you have to do is put on a biker jacket and know someone, and it automatically makes you a club member or something. Scott and the way he rides Boyer’s coat-tails comes to mind. Anyway, you know me before I get some serious coffee in my system; I’m about half-witted at best.

  6. I’m very selective about watching the news now too – don’t watch or listen to local news at all unless something really big is happening like they’re giving away free houses at Ikea or something. And my drug of choice in the humor (do you know I tagged one of my posts with humour and couldn’t understand why it hadn’t turned up in recently posted – realised you guys spell it ‘humor’ although in this comment box that is underlined in red as if spelt wrong ? but I digress) department is one that makes yourself laugh. Wet or dry I think if it amuses you then ANYTHING goes. And your posts definitely amuse me and your commenters!

    1. You know, I think I still watch the local news to keep track of what’s going on in the city because my daughter, grandchildren, and all of my siblings but one live there. As if there’s anything I can do whether things are getting crazy there or not! Dummy me. I really don’t even keep track of the weather on the news so much anymore, but rather online. And I agree, if something makes a person laugh it can’t be all that back. Well, unless you’re a serial killer, or some shit 😦
      And thank you. I’m glad I amuse you. Nice to see some people get me….. 🙂

    1. Yeah, the news depresses the hell out of me too. Problem is when I don’t watch and something important occurs I feel completely out of touch. I guess you could say now I sort of watch the way one peeks through their fingers during a scary movie. I usually skip back and forth between channels. Isn’t that terrible? I’m such a woman of the world. Ha..ha..

  7. The Far Side comics are pretty much my perfect idea of humor: putting together two things that might make perfect sense separately, but which are madness together!

    I do like a little dry humor, too. I used to love dishing it out–together with hefty helpings of sarcasm–but I use it a little more infrequently these days.

    I love reading it 😉

    1. Well, thank you. You know, I just think I’m way too old at this stage of the game to change anyway, so why bother fighting who I am anymore. Hell, someone’s gotta be me, and I seem to be doing a bang up job, so why worry about changing something that seems to be working.

  8. I agree the Today Show is well produced, but what bugs me is they switch from subject to subject at lightning speed and do not develop the topic well enough to actually be informative. Like they are in such a rush to get so much in, that none of it is very palatable. Just so much crap. Worst of all for me is when they rush the chefs along and they never get to finish what they’re cooking. It’s just rude. Or someone is showing a display of products and only get part way through before the sacred commercials have to start rolling. I really can’t watch it anymore.

    I had a similar problem many years ago when I moved out west and was bartending, a woman coworker told me I was sarcastic, and I didn’t get it. Among familiar friends I had been harmless in my humor, but women just meeting me looked for deeper meaning, as if they wanted to be pissed off at me for something else. It’s a hard thing to identify or stop. I say, why waste your humor on them? They DON’T WANT TO GET IT because they don’t want to get you. Many women are just naturally suspicious and look for reasons to hate newcomers. So I just gave them my serious side, which is even more annoying, because I used to spew off facts like a machine, and guys are into that sorta thing. SO THERE!!! PHLLLLLLllllll! raspberry up your asses!

    1. “raspberry up your asses”…now that’s fucking funny!
      Yeah, women suck! Most are way too insecure around other women, think they need to be competitive with their looks, actions, etc. It just chafes my ass. When I first moved out here I had a problem with the dirty looks and whispers when my husband and I would stop in the bar for pool. Finally someone spoke to me in the bathroom and told me that they other women didn’t like me because they thought I was eying their men. Oh, you know I had to set them straight and tell them that the last thing I wanted was their John Deere-hat-wearing-overweight-redneck-old-men when I had a young stud with tats, so don’t flatter themselves. I mean, WTF! It’s a lot better now, though I don’t bother with the cheesy bars around here much, but even the local stores were bad at first. I just figured, their problem, not mine.

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