I Want To Be In “Sex In The Keys”!

I’m going to take a bit of a Siesta from my post today. Yesterday sucked the Big-One!…and I need to gather myself together. I could sit and stew for a little while longer in my own boo-hoo-bullshit, but that doesn’t help anyone, including me. I think I’ll feel better if I get my ass up, put on some crappy, disco music—okay, I consider it feel-good music and don’t think it’s crappy at all, but I thought I’d throw that in for you nay-sayers—pop open a beer—yes, at 8:30 in the morning!—and dance my way through cleaning my house. And I can do all that, because there isn’t anyone here to tell me I shouldn’t! I gotta get something out of sitting here in this friggen house all the time, don’t I? Yep, I think a clean house and an early morning, buzz might just do the trick. Hey, it worked for Sheryl Crow in “All I Wanna Do”

Okay, this is what I need from all of you readers if you can make the time and have any words of wisdom. Serious as a heart-attack, I’m not kidding. If any of you has some really good advice on how I can curb my sugar-binging, cure the small case of muffin-top I’ve gotten started from said sugar-binging, and has some advice on any exercise video’s, etc…that might get my ever-so-slowly-falling-apart ass back in shape, I would sure appreciate it. I’ve made up my mind come hell or high-water I’m going to make it on that trip to the Keys with Pandora Patty over Labor Day weekend—I think I deserve a break from this mess, thank you!—and there is no way I’m going to stand next to that bitch on my first excursion out of this house in two years and look like crap. Yeah, it’s sad. She’s over fifty and still rocks a bikini! I could be content to just be the frumpy friend, but ummm….HELL NO! Momma don’t play that game. I’ve never been the frumpy friend, and I don’t intend to start now!  I want Paco with his six-pack abs, wonderful tan, and a smattering of dark curls spilling across his forehead as he leans down to serve me that fruity drink, to look at me like I’m Kim-fucking-Catrall in “Sex In The City”. Wrack your brains ladies!

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12 Comments on “I Want To Be In “Sex In The Keys”!”

  1. Okay, so I keep telling myself that today is the day I’m really going to make an effort, blah..blah..blah.. Only problem is, my hubby keeps bringing me home two liters of Pepsi, ice cream, and shit. Well, I ain’t going to turn it down if it’s here! Think maybe he’s feeding me sweets for a reason? Hmm…

  2. The Hook says:

    I’ve developed my own litte ponch, so I’m afraid I can’t help much! Just keep trying and you’ll see results sooner or later.

  3. Ha..ha.. I can do that. I’m going to have to check out that Leslie Sansone and see what she/he (not sure which) has to offer. That sounds like it could be right up my alley. I suffer from sloth. 😦

  4. Renee Mason says:

    All those infomercial fitness videos, Zumba, Turbo Jam, Turbo Fire, sit untouched in a drawer. I’m just too uncoordinated to learn the moves. I am religiously faithful to any DVD in the Leslie Sansone collection. You walk to great music, while adding sidesteps, hamstring curls, and kicks. It works!! Just keep envisioning Paco as your reward at the end of summer!!

  5. lifereconnected says:

    Dearest Kim I have only three words for you – Madonna, Madonna Madonna. I made a 45min workout to go with her album Confessions – part dance part exercise. I made the moves up myself to reflect my poor state of fitness even using a couple of very tiny weights. The words and the music just made the fact that I was exercising disappear just like my flab. It was f***king brilliant. i was fit within a few weeks. Or if her music is not your thing then get an album that is dancey but that you love and do the same. Repeat every day for a couple of weeks as early in the morning as you can. Also see my wee tip I put on yesterdays post about thyroids – putting on weight is another symptom of low thyroid. I’m not obsessed or anything…lol

    • I can’t say I’ve really listened to Madonna in years. Confessions is good? Maybe I’ll have to pick up a copy. Fortunately I haven’t let myself get so bad yet that I need to lose a shitload of weight or anything. Just getting really soft around the edges, so I’m hoping it isn’t nothing that can’t be fixed with a little work. This might be part of my depression. I had three kids, gained nearly 50 pounds with each, didn’t have so much as a stretch mark on my stomach after, and still managed to maintain a very toned 112 pounds till I was 41 and moved here. I was the bartender whose ass all the guys checked out. Now I have chair-ass! WTF? It’s hard to feel good about yourself when you know you’re letting yourself go. And I have. In so many ways!
      Nope, it’s not my thyroid. I got a complete checkup and blood work done just a few months ago when I went back on my antidepressants to make sure I wasn’t missing anything. Diabetes runs rampant in my family, my sister and husband was worried that I might be coming down with it, so the white-coat ran the gamut on me. Fit as a fiddle, no excuse for being the way I am, other than my life sucks the big one. I’m hoping if I can just get off my dead ass and get motivated this motivation might trickle over into other parts of my life too. Who knows.

  6. Spectra says:

    Okay…the putting on of dance music (disco or whatever) while toiling over the drudgery that is housework is a great idea! I am going to have to do that today as well, because I have a lot of cleaning up to do before my girlfriends meet here for our weekend trip… I hate housework. But I LOVE it when everything is clean and edges are squared and I can see things, like my kitchen counter.

    As for work-out videos, I have this really, really old one, a Jane Fonda beginners aerobics from the 80’s…it starts you out slow, which is what I need every time I get back into it. However, even better is a good beginners yoga DVD. They really do give a good workout, and the deep breathing is so helpful to soothe frayed nerves.

    I think I remember one of your past posts mentioning you got a workout video in the mail???

    Okay, so now’s the time for words of encouragement: YOU CAN DO THIS!!! YAY! Shake that ass, girlfriend! Shake the jiggle and muffin top right off!! Kick your asses ASS! Paco will be peeking down your shirt and rubbing up against you every chance he gets. He will probably spill a drink on you (accidentally on purpose) just so he can whip out his napkin and begin rubbing you all over your body. He will probaby jizz his pants in the process.

    I feel frumpy myself. Lazy. I got a pudge. Which is unacceptable to me. I need to get myself all jizz-worthy.

    • Yes, I did get a workout video, and also have an old “Buns of Steel”. Back when I got that one I had buns of steel so I never needed it. Oh, Marisa is beautiful, but I think I need more rhythm in my workout. I’m a girl that needs a lot of motivation. I don’t think I’m going to get it from that.
      Kick my asses ASS? You just crack me the fuck up! Never a dull moment with you, is there?
      Paco won’t have to look real hard if he’s trying to peek down my shirt. My little, Harley tank tops show all that God gave me. And I can’t restrain my little, sweater puppets in a bikini top. Them mothers are everywhere. THEY’RE EVERYWHERE! Hey, gotta work with what you got, sister!
      Well, the kitchen is done and laundry is in the dryer so I feel a little better. Get moving, frumpy! If I can do it–and I’ve become a lazy bitch–you can do it! You have a whole weekend with friends where you can relax.

  7. Good Morning Grumpy Girl –

    Come on now woman. Cheer up please! What’s bothering you? No beer so early in the morning but you have my blessing to dance up a storm. Put on that sexy disco mini and do it up right. I’m spying so beware ;).

    Try going out for a walk and eating some fruit in the morning. This helps you out with natural sugars (carbs) with cravings and with energy. Try it friend because it works! Happy Thursday to you. 🙂

    https://charlienitric.wordpress.com/2011/05/18/fellow-bloggers-you%E2%80%99re-starting-to-piss-me-off/

    http://charlienitric.wordpress.com/2011/05/16/online-sex-and-being-the-man/

    Try these stories out Kitty. Maybe this will help you smile today ; ). Love you blogs, always!!! 🙂

    • Afternoon Charlie.
      Too late on the beer thing. My bad! Hey, I’ve been getting some shit done at least. I opted for some KC & The Sunshine Band, Bay City Rollers, and a little Elton John. I’m working my way into a David Bowie frenzy right now. Thought I’d take a break and see what’s up on the pc.
      What’s bothering me is I need a life. My husband is suffocating/loving me to death. He’s not making it very easy on me to have a life beyond him. Is that normal I ask you? He acts like I’m twenty and a catch or something. Not! God, hasn’t he heard the Cyndi Lauper song, “Girls just wanna have fun”?
      I’m going to take all these little tidbits of wisdom from all of you and try to put them to use. Walking and fruit in the morning. Gotcha! And how’s your day going pal?