To Wallop The Bitch Or Not? That’s The Question, So What’s The Answer?

I’m facing a dilemma right now. I feel sort of caught between a rock and a hard spot. Yeah, I know…like I should be surprised by that or something cause this kind of thing never occurs in my life. I hesitate to involve myself at all, because I fear there’s no way I can approach this and hope for a positive outcome, but feel at this point I have little choice. It involves me whether I like it or not. Damn adults for being so irresponsible at times! Anyway, I thought I’d share it and see if any of you have an opinion.

First off, let me tell you, I’m not one of these parents that overly involve myself in my kids’ lives. I’ve never pressured my children to be involved in sports or anything that they weren’t interested in, I let them fight their own battles when it comes to other children, and try not to involve myself in their relationships if I can help it. I’ve never rummaged through their things, and haven’t so much as read one page of my daughter’s diary—which by the way I still have many journals of, because she fears if she takes them home her boyfriend will read them. I try not to pry. The only time I’ve stepped in is when it involves another adult in the neighborhood or the school system. Then I feel it’s my responsibility as their mother to be their biggest advocate. No one, absolutely NO ONE, hurts my babies! I just wanted to make these things clear.

My son comes home yesterday from school bummed out. No, that’s not even the right word; he was hurt…terribly hurt. He told me the other day that he thought his girlfriend’s mom didn’t like him anymore, and I waved it off and told him she was probably just having a bad day and he read her wrong. Yesterday he comes home and tells me he knows for sure, because she apparently told her daughter that she really didn’t want her seeing him anymore, and took her cell phone away from her so she couldn’t text him. My son was broken over this. For one thing he’s seventeen and thinks he’s in love with this girl—and he very well may be, who knows—for another this girls parents have treated him like one of their own since the kids started dating over three months ago, and so he’s sitting here now questioning what he did wrong. And I’m not exaggerating this. We were sitting outside last night and he looked at me and asked, “What’s wrong with me, Mom?” I told him not a damn thing. It’s this woman’s problem, not his.

A little history here: My ex-husband and I have shared joint custody of my son since we divorced back in 1997, and he’s lived with both of us on and off since. More so his father since he’s been in his teens, because after I moved out here and he’d lived with me for six months, he decided he hated the country. He only came to live with me permanently a year ago because he had no other choice. He and his father were beginning to physically fight with one another, my ex-husband was constantly calling the cops on him for the most minor of infractions, my son was failing school, started running away, and was beginning to get into alcohol and marijuana. After his dad had him picked up the last time and tried to have him committed, because he was so sure that he was on drugs, and they only found a little marijuana in his system, we had to deal with months of the court system, and only got everything straightened out this past December. In January I enrolled him in high school here, and waited with baited breath to see if he would adapt. He did. Huge sigh of relief. In the five months he’s been attending he hasn’t had any problems with staff, up until the other day no altercations with other kids, his attendance is good, he’s pulling in great grades, and other than the fact that he’s a mouthy-prick—which is all part of his age—I’ve had no real problems with him staying clean, out of trouble, and following rules we have for curfew, etc. He is doing remarkably well. Honestly, I contribute part of it to his having met his girlfriend right after he enrolled. She’s a good girl, an only child, comes from a decent family, and I think he’s tried to keep clean to keep their respect. Which is why I’m so worried now what may happen as a result of this.

My son got in a fight at school the other day. A bigger kid was starting shit with my son’s buddy, knocked the glasses off his face and they broke, so my son stepped in. From what the principal said when he called me, punches were thrown but no contact was made before it was broke up. Even the principal made light of it, and said it was the week before school is letting out and emotions are running high right now. No biggee, right? Wrong! Apparently this is what my son’s, girlfriend’s mother is using as an excuse why she doesn’t want them seeing each other anymore. Is this just the biggest crock of shit, or what? Now I probably wouldn’t be too excited were it not for what she said, and the texts my son got from his girlfriend before her phone was taken away. This has me raging mad. This woman had the nerve to say my son has shown that he has a tendency towards violence and she fears he may end up hitting her daughter, but that she knows it’s not his fault, but merely the way he was raised. She said that she doubts he’s off the drugs, and questioned what he does when I allow him to stay over with friends. She told her that he’s never going to do anything with his life, and if they were to stay together she fears she would end up having to take care of the both of them. She also said that she was hoping it was just a phase her daughter was going through and that it would end, but since it hasn’t she’s putting a stop to it. Absolute fucking nonsense! And yes, I am really fucking offended!

To begin with, abuse is normally a learned behavior. And although I did take it off my first husband, I never did off my second, which is his father. He has never been raised around someone who hits women, and has never shown that he was even capable of hitting one himself. And about this fight…he’s freaking seventeen years old! Seventeen year old boys scrap! One fight in five months…big-fucking-whoop! And how the hell would she know shit about how he’s raised? She met us once when we invited them over, and both my husband and I were more than polite and welcoming to both her and her husband. And as far as his drug use and what he’s doing with his life…Oh my God, it was marijuana for goodness sake! It’s not like he’s a meth addict! He toyed with it when he ran away, he has no access to it now even if he wanted it, and he’s making great strides in school. You know what this is? A big damn excuse because she’s scared to let her daughter grow up.

This woman didn’t think their dating was a phase she hoped her daughter would grow out of. If she did she never would’ve invited my son over to their home, took him places when they did things as a family, and she and her husband even gave my son their cell phone numbers and they used to text each other all the time—which, by the way, I thought was weirder than shit—but my son thought it was cool that he was considered family, so I just went with it. It wasn’t until recently when I suspect she’s started thinking that they’re having sex that she’s getting apprehensive about them dating. And she should be, which is why I bought my son condoms, because I’m not under any kind of illusion that they’re going to refrain themselves just because we ask them to. Duh! And what does she think…her daughter isn’t going to have sex if she’s not dating my kid? I hate to break it to her. If it’s not him, it’ll eventually be someone else!

Now when my son came home yesterday and told me all this I did a really good job of biting my tongue. I simply told him that there was little he could do if she didn’t want her seeing him, and that this was not his problem, but rather she was a suffocating mother. Then he asked me to call her. What? I guess he felt since we’ve already met, he’s been a part of their life, and his girlfriend has been a part of ours, that a meeting of the minds could come to some rational conclusion how to handle this. Hell, I don’t know. He said he texted her, told her that all he’s done is treat she and her husband with love and respect, and don’t understand what it is that he’s done that has made her so upset with him. He seemed very dismayed that she hadn’t responded.

I gotta be real honest, I didn’t want to touch this. I was already fuming mad about the comments she made, starting to worry by my son’s attitude that all the efforts he’s made at bettering himself are going to be reversed because she’s put it in his head that he’s a loser, and to be honest wanted nothing more than to go break her fucking nose at that point. Nope, I had to call her. Not only call her, but my son insisted that I be polite when I talked to her. What choice did I have? I mean, this kid is broken-hearted and asking me to try and save him!  Well, I called and ended up leaving a message. I just told her that he’d come home, was obviously hurt by something that was said, I didn’t know what was going on exactly, but could she please call me back so we could talk about this. I felt like a damn idiot. Then I really felt like an idiot when she didn’t call me back. So now my son wants me to go talk to her. Yeah, cause that’s going to happen at this point without the cops being called! Fuck with my kids, you fuck with me!

So here I sit this morning wondering what exactly it is I should do. Common sense tells me to leave this alone or I’m going to jail. The problem is I’ve got two kids who think I have the magic key to solving this by laying on bullshit. Bigger problem is, I’m not good at kissing ass, this person isn’t anyone to me, and I don’t see me doing shit to appease her!  I’ll be honest, the reason we only met once and we didn’t invite them over again, is because I really didn’t care for her the first time. And no, it wasn’t that she was a bitch or anything, but frankly she and her husband annoyed the hell out of me and mine. The whole time they were here they were cracking jokes and trying to be funny. I don’t know if it was nerves, or they’re just whack-job’s. The sad part is, they weren’t funny at all, my husband and I were laughing merely to be polite, and had to keep laughing, over and over and over, and fucking over again! Ugh!!  We both looked at each other after they left like…good-fucking-riddance! I truly think I’d rather have needles stuck in both eyes than go through that again.

So what to do? That is the question. How far should I be expected to go as a mother? That is the other question. Question number three: Should I just say “Fuck it!” and wallop the bitch cause she has it coming, and prove her theory that he was raised wrong, right?

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14 Comments on “To Wallop The Bitch Or Not? That’s The Question, So What’s The Answer?”

  1. Oh, I love his girlfriend. She’s a little doll, feisty as hell, which is what I think he deserves. No, it’s her mother that seems to be a whack-job. I think my son wanted me to talk to her to assure her that the trouble he got into at school wasn’t that big of a deal, and also to try and assure her that nothing sexual is going on between them. ((Rolling my eyes)) What really stirred her up is that last weekend she only allowed her daughter to stay over at a friends house on the condition that my son didn’t spend the night with the friends brother. Well, I didn’t know shit about that and told my kid he could stay there. No harm was done anyway. The parents made sure the kids were on different floors, but apparently the next day Bi-Polar Bitch felt the need to question the father about it just to ‘make sure’ they weren’t there together–and God forbid, consummating or something–and being put on the spot he lied and told her my son never stayed. I guess she didn’t believe him. That’s also why my son wanted me to call her to convince her he was indeed here (which I’d have to lie). Ridiculous, isn’t it? My husband jokes and says she probably has baby monitors in her daughters room. Ha..ha.. And there is no way this woman could be my in-law! If she’s this bad with her daughter, what the hell would she be like with a grandbaby?
    Honestly, I feel a nightmare in the works. My son is 17 but his girlfriend is 16. I told him in six more months this girls mom could charge him with statutory rape if she wants to, and there isn’t shit anyone can do about it. And I know this, because the same thing happened to my nephew when he turned 18 and was dating a girl a year younger; they incarcerated him, and he played hell for months getting out of that mess.

  2. Renee Mason says:

    I don’t think you should deck the bitch, though as a mom, I certainly understand the impulse. Screw with me, OK,screw with my 17-year-old son, and I’ll order a mob hit on your ass. However, the saner, quieter side of me says you can’t jump in and be ‘mommy’ for him much longer, so let him fight his own fight, and be kind and good to the girlfriend if and when you get the opportunity. Another commenter could be right, that bitch COULD be an in-law someday!!

  3. The Hook says:

    You’re a great Mom! You gave to stand up for your own. If you don’t then who will?

    • Thank you, Hook! I try to be. And I completely agree…It’s all about taking care of your own. I am my children’s biggest advocate. No one loves them like I do, and I’m more than aware because of that no one will have their best interest in mind the way I do. I’ve gone up against the best of them at times too. The school system is the worst. They get you in there for a meeting and surround you with a dozen people from the principal, to teachers, to counselors, etc.. and then try to bully you into submission with their paperwork filled with every little thing your child has ever done. When the hell did being a normal kid become so difficult? These people would’ve never made it in school administration in the 1970’s. Damn, us kids ran the joint! I literally knocked my chair back when standing up and told them to take their fucking paperwork and shove it up their asses cause they weren’t labeling my damn kid! Another time I had to inform a teacher with long nails who had a habit of grabbing the children by the arm and scratching them–something the school did nothing about–if she put her hands on my daughter I was going to beat her fat ass, and God, the principal, or no one was going to be able to pull me off of her. You gotta push back when you’re a parent or people will tear your children down. They will bully them, label them, and try to mold them into what they feel is appropriate or normal. Well, as soon as they can define ‘normal’ for me then we’ll talk. Until then they can butt the hell out. I love my kids. I’m proud of them just the way they are!

  4. Is there no one to say, “KICK THE BITCH’S ASS”? Pleeeeeeassse?
    No, I’m kidding. I’m way too old for this shit now, but I gotta tell you ten years ago I would’ve in a heartbeat. Oh, silly me….ten years ago I did! Lady from the old neighborhood, called my daughter who was about twelve at the time, a bitch. Big NO-NO!
    ((Sigh)) Do you ever hate the fact you have to act like a grown up and be the bigger person? Frankly, I’m tired of being the bigger person. Frankly, I’m tired as hell of being the bigger person! Why does it always have to be me? I think I could tear her up right now for no other reason than she caught me at a really bad time, and I’m tired of taking shit off people. Grrrr!!!
    Okay, I need a friggen cocktail. It’s three my time and I’m sure ‘Happy Hour’ somewhere close, right? Good enough for me!

  5. Jackie says:

    WOOOSAHHHH!! That’s what we are here for!
    There is nothing harder to see than to see your own child hurting, and I would be pissed too! The GF’s mother is completely wrong, out of line and naive. What this lady needs is a reality check and to realize, “when there’s a will there’s a way!” Especially with teenagers.
    You’re doing the right thing, by preparing your son. When I was 16 years old, if I asked my mother to put me on BC she would have had a heart attack. So I took myself to planned parenthood, used my own money and was on BC for 5 years until I had to tell my parents I was prego.
    Although it doesn’t seem like it right now- you’ll feel a lot better if you just “kill her with kindness!” Let her be ignorant. Like Charlie said “Loving your son and his gf is the best you can do.” Besides, what if your son and her end up getting married someday? You may have to deal with this b*tch permenantly (Eeeekkk). For now, just smile at her on the outside, knowing you’re the bigger, better, smarter person, while laughing at her from the inside. 🙂

  6. THANK YOU!! Spoken like a wise, responsible, parent/adult.
    You know what I see happening is her mother pushing her into rebellion, and making some really big mistakes. I have a daughter who’s now 23 and has two small children. She met her current boyfriend at sixteen–he was a bit older–he was the first boy she gave herself to. She wanted to move in with him at 17 when I moved out here to the country, I made the difficult decision to let her because I foresaw her hating me and doing it anyway if I tried to refuse. Today, nearly eight years later, they are still together. I never had to deal with her using drugs, running around and being promiscuous, and I’d like to think it was because we had open-communication. We live in a different world than our parents did, and have to adapt accordingly. Kudo’s to you for being the kind of mother that can see past others opinions. I pray this other mother gets a grip on reality before it bites her square in the ass!

  7. Hey Kitty –

    Yes it is a crock of doo-doo. The mother has some perceptions that are false and mis-guided. She’s trying to control her daughter and your son’s lives. She can’t and will make all matters worse for the kids.

    There is a strong possibility that the mother sees her self from years long ago, where a situation occurred and she dealt with it wrongly. In the present day, she’s duplicating another wrong decision by reversing her response to that situation (the kids). She will most likely have an adverse effect on your son and her daughter.

    “Butt out lady”, but she won’t! You have a right to be upset as you are. I can clearly read this from your words. If you get to heavily involved, the situation has a strong chance to escalate and confuse the 2 kids even more.

    Love your son and love his gf is the best you can do. More negativity can lead to even more confusion for those 2 self-discovering young adults. God Bless You the children……right? Happy Tuesday to you. 🙂

    https://charlienitric.wordpress.com/2011/05/23/bunkle%E2%80%99s-int%E2%80%99l-world-turtle-day-speech/

    • So you’re saying that I shouldn’t wallop her? Damn!! And I was just starting to feel a little better about it. Ha..ha.. Sorry! My bad!
      Oh, I know you’re right. It just pisses me off that people can label and judge like that and don’t have an ounce of conscience about who they’re hurting while they are doing it. This wouldn’t be such a problem, Charlie, but my son is really sensitive to negativity. His dad beat him over the head with it before I had the chance to yank him out of that situation. I’ve spent the last year trying to undo the damage to his self-esteem done by his father, and now this bitch drops a bomb on him. I am madder than hell about it! Yeah, so much for her thinking that her family is better than ours. I would never think of doing that to someone’s child! Oooooohhhhh!!!!!!!!!

  8. Wow, that is a tough one. i think you hit the nail on the head when you said ” she’s scared to let her daughter grow up”.
    She sounds really ignorant and over protective.
    But the real question is, what to do? If your son asked you to do it, I think I would – but wait a week until emotions (everyones, not just yours) arent running so high. I think I would not take a defensive approach here – you wont get anywhere with this woman that way, I would just take a “lets get to the bottom of what is REALLY the problem here” (meaning, is it MY SON that is the problem, or is it YOUR fears? and if so, is THAT fair to your daughter???)
    Good luck, and let us know what happens!

    • See…I’m with you and thought the waiting part was a good idea too. In fact, what I told my son was that I thought it might be a good idea if my husband and I stopped by the small, local, fire station where her husband works and talk to him first, since he doesn’t seem to have a problem, but rather is just trying to be agreeable for his wife’s sake. I figured if we spoke with him first and tried to put some of her fears to rest about my son and/or what may be going on with him and their daughter, it might ease her mind some. Of course, I wouldn’t tell her the truth! I know there’s something going on, but one of us has to be realistic about this given their age, and I did what I thought was the responsible thing when I bought the boy condoms. I made it clear that it wasn’t my way of giving him permission to do it, but wasn’t so naive to think that he wasn’t going to, and wanted to make sure both of them were safe. This woman might not be so lucky with the next boy if she runs off my son, and then she’ll have a real mess on her hands.
      Well, I’ll keep you and everyone else updated. If you don’t hear from me for a few days you’ll know I got good and fed up and just knocked her block off. You have kids. You know exactly what I’m talking about. Say anything you want to me and about me, but don’t hurt my kids. That doesn’t stop no matter how old they get, trust me. Sadly, I almost feel sorry for this lady. She doesn’t realize it, but she’s putting distance between herself and her daughter with her actions. I’m glad that’s not me.

      • You are so right – she is putting distance between her and her daughter.

        I raised two teenagers too. I may get flack form the conservative bunch for saying this, but sexual experimentation is dare I say, normal at 17. It happens, and you did the right thing. My 16 year old went on birth control the minute I got a whiff of her and anything sexual. “condoning it” by providing birth control is a heck of a lot better than dealing with a teen pregnancy. Plus, it teaches them to protect themselves and be responsible.
        And after raising 2 teens (one who is a true nightmare!!) I’ve learned not to judge!
        Best of luck! 🙂

    • i think you hit the nail on the head when you said ” she’s scared to let her daughter grow up”.

      Seconding this! (I wanted to read through the comments before I tried generating any “original” content under the influence of Benadryl. *cough*)

      I like the whole approach outlined here. It’s definitely a good idea to take that breather time and to practice approaching the situation calmly, but preparing for all eventualities . . . including harsh words, if only responsively.

      Ugh to all of this. Ugh, ugh, and more ugh. I really do just keep coming back to that she thinks she can stop her daughter from growing up. But she can’t. Nothing can. Better still for her to figure out what to do to make peace with that fact . . .

      • Well, first of all…summer colds are the worst “Ewww” so I hope you feel better. With that out of the way, I should tell you that it looks like this is working itself out, at least for now.
        My son and I are just shaking our heads. One day she doesn’t want her daughter to be with him, and then the next day she back-tracks and tries to say that it isn’t that she doesn’t like him or anything… My son told his girlfriend flat-out that it doesn’t matter if her mom likes him or not, that he no longer cares for her. He said she’s a fake, and also a chicken-shit that she never bothered to call me back and be mature enough to try and resolve this. I’m proud of him, if for no other reason than he’s a chip off the old block, and won’t tolerate phony people either. Anyway, for now it looks as if we’ve gotten over the biggest hurdle.