I’m facing a dilemma right now. I feel sort of caught between a rock and a hard spot. Yeah, I know…like I should be surprised by that or something cause this kind of thing never occurs in my life. I hesitate to involve myself at all, because I fear there’s no way I can approach this and hope for a positive outcome, but feel at this point I have little choice. It involves me whether I like it or not. Damn adults for being so irresponsible at times! Anyway, I thought I’d share it and see if any of you have an opinion.
First off, let me tell you, I’m not one of these parents that overly involve myself in my kids’ lives. I’ve never pressured my children to be involved in sports or anything that they weren’t interested in, I let them fight their own battles when it comes to other children, and try not to involve myself in their relationships if I can help it. I’ve never rummaged through their things, and haven’t so much as read one page of my daughter’s diary—which by the way I still have many journals of, because she fears if she takes them home her boyfriend will read them. I try not to pry. The only time I’ve stepped in is when it involves another adult in the neighborhood or the school system. Then I feel it’s my responsibility as their mother to be their biggest advocate. No one, absolutely NO ONE, hurts my babies! I just wanted to make these things clear.
My son comes home yesterday from school bummed out. No, that’s not even the right word; he was hurt…terribly hurt. He told me the other day that he thought his girlfriend’s mom didn’t like him anymore, and I waved it off and told him she was probably just having a bad day and he read her wrong. Yesterday he comes home and tells me he knows for sure, because she apparently told her daughter that she really didn’t want her seeing him anymore, and took her cell phone away from her so she couldn’t text him. My son was broken over this. For one thing he’s seventeen and thinks he’s in love with this girl—and he very well may be, who knows—for another this girls parents have treated him like one of their own since the kids started dating over three months ago, and so he’s sitting here now questioning what he did wrong. And I’m not exaggerating this. We were sitting outside last night and he looked at me and asked, “What’s wrong with me, Mom?” I told him not a damn thing. It’s this woman’s problem, not his.
A little history here: My ex-husband and I have shared joint custody of my son since we divorced back in 1997, and he’s lived with both of us on and off since. More so his father since he’s been in his teens, because after I moved out here and he’d lived with me for six months, he decided he hated the country. He only came to live with me permanently a year ago because he had no other choice. He and his father were beginning to physically fight with one another, my ex-husband was constantly calling the cops on him for the most minor of infractions, my son was failing school, started running away, and was beginning to get into alcohol and marijuana. After his dad had him picked up the last time and tried to have him committed, because he was so sure that he was on drugs, and they only found a little marijuana in his system, we had to deal with months of the court system, and only got everything straightened out this past December. In January I enrolled him in high school here, and waited with baited breath to see if he would adapt. He did. Huge sigh of relief. In the five months he’s been attending he hasn’t had any problems with staff, up until the other day no altercations with other kids, his attendance is good, he’s pulling in great grades, and other than the fact that he’s a mouthy-prick—which is all part of his age—I’ve had no real problems with him staying clean, out of trouble, and following rules we have for curfew, etc. He is doing remarkably well. Honestly, I contribute part of it to his having met his girlfriend right after he enrolled. She’s a good girl, an only child, comes from a decent family, and I think he’s tried to keep clean to keep their respect. Which is why I’m so worried now what may happen as a result of this.
My son got in a fight at school the other day. A bigger kid was starting shit with my son’s buddy, knocked the glasses off his face and they broke, so my son stepped in. From what the principal said when he called me, punches were thrown but no contact was made before it was broke up. Even the principal made light of it, and said it was the week before school is letting out and emotions are running high right now. No biggee, right? Wrong! Apparently this is what my son’s, girlfriend’s mother is using as an excuse why she doesn’t want them seeing each other anymore. Is this just the biggest crock of shit, or what? Now I probably wouldn’t be too excited were it not for what she said, and the texts my son got from his girlfriend before her phone was taken away. This has me raging mad. This woman had the nerve to say my son has shown that he has a tendency towards violence and she fears he may end up hitting her daughter, but that she knows it’s not his fault, but merely the way he was raised. She said that she doubts he’s off the drugs, and questioned what he does when I allow him to stay over with friends. She told her that he’s never going to do anything with his life, and if they were to stay together she fears she would end up having to take care of the both of them. She also said that she was hoping it was just a phase her daughter was going through and that it would end, but since it hasn’t she’s putting a stop to it. Absolute fucking nonsense! And yes, I am really fucking offended!
To begin with, abuse is normally a learned behavior. And although I did take it off my first husband, I never did off my second, which is his father. He has never been raised around someone who hits women, and has never shown that he was even capable of hitting one himself. And about this fight…he’s freaking seventeen years old! Seventeen year old boys scrap! One fight in five months…big-fucking-whoop! And how the hell would she know shit about how he’s raised? She met us once when we invited them over, and both my husband and I were more than polite and welcoming to both her and her husband. And as far as his drug use and what he’s doing with his life…Oh my God, it was marijuana for goodness sake! It’s not like he’s a meth addict! He toyed with it when he ran away, he has no access to it now even if he wanted it, and he’s making great strides in school. You know what this is? A big damn excuse because she’s scared to let her daughter grow up.
This woman didn’t think their dating was a phase she hoped her daughter would grow out of. If she did she never would’ve invited my son over to their home, took him places when they did things as a family, and she and her husband even gave my son their cell phone numbers and they used to text each other all the time—which, by the way, I thought was weirder than shit—but my son thought it was cool that he was considered family, so I just went with it. It wasn’t until recently when I suspect she’s started thinking that they’re having sex that she’s getting apprehensive about them dating. And she should be, which is why I bought my son condoms, because I’m not under any kind of illusion that they’re going to refrain themselves just because we ask them to. Duh! And what does she think…her daughter isn’t going to have sex if she’s not dating my kid? I hate to break it to her. If it’s not him, it’ll eventually be someone else!
Now when my son came home yesterday and told me all this I did a really good job of biting my tongue. I simply told him that there was little he could do if she didn’t want her seeing him, and that this was not his problem, but rather she was a suffocating mother. Then he asked me to call her. What? I guess he felt since we’ve already met, he’s been a part of their life, and his girlfriend has been a part of ours, that a meeting of the minds could come to some rational conclusion how to handle this. Hell, I don’t know. He said he texted her, told her that all he’s done is treat she and her husband with love and respect, and don’t understand what it is that he’s done that has made her so upset with him. He seemed very dismayed that she hadn’t responded.
I gotta be real honest, I didn’t want to touch this. I was already fuming mad about the comments she made, starting to worry by my son’s attitude that all the efforts he’s made at bettering himself are going to be reversed because she’s put it in his head that he’s a loser, and to be honest wanted nothing more than to go break her fucking nose at that point. Nope, I had to call her. Not only call her, but my son insisted that I be polite when I talked to her. What choice did I have? I mean, this kid is broken-hearted and asking me to try and save him! Well, I called and ended up leaving a message. I just told her that he’d come home, was obviously hurt by something that was said, I didn’t know what was going on exactly, but could she please call me back so we could talk about this. I felt like a damn idiot. Then I really felt like an idiot when she didn’t call me back. So now my son wants me to go talk to her. Yeah, cause that’s going to happen at this point without the cops being called! Fuck with my kids, you fuck with me!
So here I sit this morning wondering what exactly it is I should do. Common sense tells me to leave this alone or I’m going to jail. The problem is I’ve got two kids who think I have the magic key to solving this by laying on bullshit. Bigger problem is, I’m not good at kissing ass, this person isn’t anyone to me, and I don’t see me doing shit to appease her! I’ll be honest, the reason we only met once and we didn’t invite them over again, is because I really didn’t care for her the first time. And no, it wasn’t that she was a bitch or anything, but frankly she and her husband annoyed the hell out of me and mine. The whole time they were here they were cracking jokes and trying to be funny. I don’t know if it was nerves, or they’re just whack-job’s. The sad part is, they weren’t funny at all, my husband and I were laughing merely to be polite, and had to keep laughing, over and over and over, and fucking over again! Ugh!! We both looked at each other after they left like…good-fucking-riddance! I truly think I’d rather have needles stuck in both eyes than go through that again.
So what to do? That is the question. How far should I be expected to go as a mother? That is the other question. Question number three: Should I just say “Fuck it!” and wallop the bitch cause she has it coming, and prove her theory that he was raised wrong, right?