Guess It’ll Be A “Save A Harley Ride A Biker” Day, Instead.

I’m trying reeeeally hard not to pout today people, but the weather is not cooperating! It’s as if the elements are in cahoots with the nasty, little gnome inside me that sits and changes the gears on my emotions from day to day, and have decided that I’ve been waaay too happy lately, and well… something has just got to be done about that! You know… As if that’s completely unacceptable! Right now I should be showering to get ready to go riding and start my day with some bloody-mary’s, but nooooo… here I sit with you guys drinking coffee, with nary an ounce of liquor in the cup.

My husband woke up around six due to the pooches stirring. I do not let them out first thing in the morning. That is not my job. He does, because it’s his. Though very groggy from staying up late reading in bed, I was still under the assumption that we were taking out the scoot today, so I asked him to start some coffee for me. This too is not my job, although I am the only one that drinks it. I have trained the last four men that have been in my life for the past twenty years to make my coffee, and only one of those four actually drank it. If you had to live with me you’d realize why. All found early on that an ‘ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure’. No one wants me moving around interacting with them till I have a cup a’ joe in my hand. My mother always used the phrase “Pretty is as pretty does.” Make no mistake, I AM ONLY PRETTY ON THE OUTSIDE!

Now I didn’t actually open my eyes till I heard the tv go on and spied him setting a carafe of coffee and cup on the nightstand next to me. Till then I’d been Snoozy Lou-zy, and still unaware that there was rain sprinkling on the lawn. Yeah, that all changed about thirty seconds later. Good thing I had that fucking coffee, huh? See, there’s a reason why he does that for me!Β  My first reaction was a scowl. My next was slumping back against my pillow with a frown. My husband crawled back in next to me and we watched the weather on the news. A few minutes later he was snoring softly, and I was wide awake, throwing on my robe, and cursing under my breath all the way down the stairs.


Okay, so here I sit now having reconciled myself to the fact thatΒ  our plans have been foiled. We could take the bike out and chance it, but the last time we did that we had to literally dump water out of our riding boots and wring our socks out after getting home. There’s nothing pleasant about needles of rain pelting you in the face as you’re going down the highway. Those so-called die-hard’s that think there is are lying through their damn teeth! A few other things that Lou doesn’t do anymore, because she’s old and doesn’t give a shit about impressing anyone, and/or looking like a hardcore-backseat-biker-bitch/road-warrior-woman: I don’t punish my bad back by riding on the scoot for longer than an hour before stopping to stretch and get a cocktail. We do not own a Road King–which is similar to riding a damn recliner on the road–we have a 75′ Shovelhead with ape-hangers that after a very short duration of time begins to feel like your somewhat straddling a two-by-four without shocks. I do not go to rally’s and sleep in tents with sweaty, drunken bikers, shower in facilities that are remarkably similar to urinals in poor taverns, and poo outdoors. I have paid my dues sharing sleeping quarters and latrine facilities with my fellow brethren for the sake of a party, and this no longer interests me. I want a clean room with a mattress, private bath, and preferably cable…or I’d rather sit my ass at home, thank you very much. I also have no interest in going for a ride when the wind is trying to knock me off the scoot like I’m Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, the heat is so unbearable I’m pulling damp panties out of the crack of my ass, or it’s forty damn degrees and I crawl off the bike after riding on the interstate to find my legs feel like two pillars of blistering ice. Riding is supposed to be a pleasant experience where you can enjoy your surroundings, and I find no enjoyment from enduring any of these things. Sooooo….

Decisions… Decisions…

Ah, hell. I suppose I could always kill a little time till I figure it out. “Save a Harley ride a Biker” Yeah, that’s part of his job description too!

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14 Comments on “Guess It’ll Be A “Save A Harley Ride A Biker” Day, Instead.”

  1. The Hook says:

    Get your motor runnin’, head out on the highway…

  2. Have I read this wrong – does this mean you are not getting to see him? Told you I was hot. Anyways good luck whatever you get to do !

    • No, we couldn’t go riding cause the weather was crappy was all. Didn’t get a chance to see him today, but hopefully tomorrow. I know my husband isn’t thrilled about driving that far, but I hope he also knows that this is not something he wants to deprive me of. Life can get a lot shittier than it is if he doesn’t help me get out to see my boy.

  3. Oh my Lou! I’ve been away from blogging land for a few days and came down this morning made MYSELF a cup of coffee and sat reading through all your posts since the 23rd! I have been entertained so so much – feel like I’ve gone through a rollercoaster of emotions, activities, thoughts, plans and i even thought for a minute there I was going to be a witness to a midlife scrap!!! You are soo funny! And you have definitely got your sense of humour back – good on you. Can’t wait to hear about your visit to your son, I hope it goes well. I’m now too hot (we get our heat from the sun here through glass, always through glass) and I’ve been sitting at my french doors laughing at your posts and I hadn’t noticed the sun’s out!! This is a very big deal here but I was enjoying myself so much. It’s really funny how much you miss blogging when you stop even for a little while. I felt all out of sync. Now I feel reinvigorated with life so I’m off to get dressed (and showered obviously) so thanks for a great start to my day πŸ™‚

    • I’m glad I was able to get your day going. My weekend hasn’t been so hot. 😦 Ah, well… I’ll get over the disappointment in a few days and hopefully be back to my nutty self. I try really hard not to let it get me down for long anymore. I just refuse to give my husband the satisfaction of my unhappiness. I hope your holiday weekend is going well.

  4. We all have those kind of days. The art is to be able to look at it all with humour. Hope some sunshine comes your way soon!

    • Ah hell, I’m making my own sunshine just by hanging out with you folks. πŸ™‚ I got a whole summer of sunshine ahead of me, so I suppose I can settle for a cold bottle of wine and a few movies today. At least it’s not raining anymore.

  5. jennajadee says:

    I could send you some sunshine πŸ˜‰ We played in the pool today πŸ˜› (just had to rub it in some anyway) I hope the rain ends soon… πŸ˜€ Loved your post!

  6. Jessica says:

    Wow you crack me up. Your a funny bitch you know that? lol. I guess I just have good jeans. πŸ™‚

    • You have great jeans, sweetie! Mama passed down not only a good sense of humor to you, but a great ass! Ha..ha.. Must not have to work today I see. I hope you do something fun with my grandbabie’s this weekend. Sadly, my plans were ruined today, so we’ve just opted to hang out here. It’s icky outside. Oh, well…I still have going to see your brother tomorrow to look forward to. I love ya, Stinky!

  7. Hahahahah, great post!! I haven’t been able to drive the Mustang for weeks now, today is the day, because miraculously enough for the first time in however long, I woke up to unexpected SUN!! I was going to power wash my house, but instead, I am taking Jezzy for a burn and later I will mow my lawn. Sometimes you just have to make sacrifices… πŸ™‚