Update: It was brought to my attention today that I had forgotten to do a little update to my links widget. I went to add someone to my list and realized that several of the blogs I read and am subscribed to were not there. The reason I found was that I had added some new ones and unfortunately had forgotten to raise the number of blogs allowed on my ‘Blogs I’m Interested In Reading’ list. My bad!! So for those of you whose blog names start with letters later in the alphabet, I extend my apologies, and have reconciled this issue. Sorry! Much blog-love I send your way!!
Well, here I sit…11:30 Memorial Day morning…and no, I’m not going to get to see my son today. P-Shaw! That would mean that something would have to go according to plan and my way, wouldn’t it? That’s unheard of!
I knew the moment I woke up it was not to be. The first thing I noticed was that the wind was blowing like a Banshee from hell had come calling, and I knew with gas prices the way they are right now and having to fight the wind and use twice as much to drive that distance, this wasn’t a practical day to make the trip. Then of course, there’s the ever faithful problems with water we’ve been having that reared it’s ugly head again this morning. Yep, not a drop left in the cistern! So now my husband gets to jack around with the well for a while, try and get some water in the cistern, and then milk the dirty water through the pipes till it runs clean.
I am just so frustrated with all these water problems. Geeze-Louise…enough is enough already! If it ain’t one problem with the plumbing, it’s another. And it’s been going on for years now! This most recent one (the cistern filling, but then water leaking out), my husband has tried repeatedly to get someone out here to look at it for us, but they are always a no-show. He attempted to work on it himself, thought he licked the current problem, but it never took. We’re starting to think that perhaps when the farmer did some digging out in the fields he nicked our line. Our well is way the hell down the field by the stream. The practical solution is to put the well right on our property and do away with the cistern all together, but who has over ten grand to do that?
I see yet another damn summer ahead of me sitting here in this house dealing with water problems, heat/humidity, and watching life pass me by. I feel as if I’m currently at a threshold of sorts, but am not sure what it means, or what I’m supposed to do. I’ve been hanging on. I admit it. There’s that part of me that doesn’t want to let go, because I’d hoped for change. There’s the other part that has clung to what I have here, because I know we owe less than five thousand dollars on this house and property, in a short while there will be nothing but equity in it, and with a few repairs and some cosmetic love we could be sitting pretty. Or at the least, if I had to start over again I’d have a little something to work with. I am just waaay too old for this shit! Then there’s that other part of me that just wants to be brave, do what Pandora Patty did, just up and walk away from it all, cut my losses, and save myself. I wish I could. I really do. But there’s this part of me that says Hey, wait a minute…I’m in a position where I don’t have shit going for me, I sunk everything into this relationship, and I’m not just going to GIVE it all to him!
I lost my ass in the first marriage when he left me with a broken down trailer home, two kids, bills, and paid no child support. I got screwed in the second marriage when the SOB paid me just enough for childcare on our youngest while I worked, filed bankruptcy on all the bills he was supposed to take in the divorce, everything fell back on me and I ended up losing my home. Then to add insult to injury I let him take our son–my youngest–to live with him because he’d convinced me he had more to offer him and could better provide for him since I was struggling, he started using this parental control to threaten and control me, ended up suing me for child support, and in the end I got my son back because he proved to be the world’s shittiest father. After both of these marriages I went under, had to fight to resurface, and teach myself how to swim again just to get to safe waters. I had to rebuild everything practically from scratch. I’m not so young anymore. I’m definitely not as naive. Wince if you want, but if I would’ve known that not only would I have ended up giving it away for free and not gotten anything out of it, but would’ve had to pay for it in the end, I would’ve become a damn HOOKER! I won’t walk away empty-handed again!
Well, I feel much better. Ahhh…. There isn’t nothing quite like airing ones dirty laundry to clear the mind and clean the spirit up. Sorry if I got soot all over you guys. Next time don’t stand downwind while I fan the sheets, okay? I really need some feel-good vibes. Anyone have some to share? I’m not beyond enjoying moments vicariously through you all. I’m a thrift-whore remember? I like hand-me-downs!