I Couldn’t Get A Break if I Fell Out Of A 10th Floor Window!

Update: It was brought to my attention today that I had forgotten to do a little update to my links widget. I went to add someone to my list and realized that several of the blogs I read and am subscribed to were not there. The reason I found was that I had added some new ones and unfortunately had forgotten to raise the number of blogs allowed on my ‘Blogs I’m Interested In Reading’ list. My bad!! So for those of you whose blog names start with letters later in the alphabet, I extend my apologies, and have reconciled this issue. Sorry! Much blog-love I send your way!!

 

Well, here I sit…11:30 Memorial Day morning…and no, I’m not going to get to see my son today. P-Shaw! That would mean that something would have to go according to plan and my way, wouldn’t it? That’s unheard of!

I knew the moment I woke up it was not to be. The first thing I noticed was that the wind was blowing like a Banshee from hell had come calling, and I knew with gas prices the way they are right now and having to fight the wind and use twice as much to drive that distance, this wasn’t a practical day to make the trip. Then of course, there’s the ever faithful problems with water we’ve been having that reared it’s ugly head again this morning. Yep, not a drop left in the cistern! So now my husband gets to jack around with the well for a while, try and get some water in the cistern, and then milk the dirty water through the pipes till it runs clean.

I am just so frustrated with all these water problems. Geeze-Louise…enough is enough already! If it ain’t one problem with the plumbing, it’s another. And it’s been going on for years now! This most recent one (the cistern filling, but then water leaking out), my husband has tried repeatedly to get someone out here to look at it for us, but they are always a no-show. He attempted to work on it himself, thought he licked the current problem, but it never took. We’re starting to think that perhaps when the farmer did some digging out in the fields he nicked our line. Our well is way the hell down the field by the stream. The practical solution is to put the well right on our property and do away with the cistern all together, but who has over ten grand to do that?

I see yet another damn summer ahead of me sitting here in this house dealing with water problems, heat/humidity, and watching life pass me by. I feel as if I’m currently at a threshold of sorts, but am not sure what it means, or what I’m supposed to do. I’ve been hanging on. I admit it. There’s that part of me that doesn’t want to let go, because I’d hoped for change. There’s the other part that has clung to what I have here, because I know we owe less than five thousand dollars on this house and property, in a short while there will be nothing but equity in it, and with a few repairs and some cosmetic love we could be sitting pretty. Or at the least, if I had to start over again I’d have a little something to work with. I am just waaay too old for this shit! Then there’s that other part of me that just wants to be brave, do what Pandora Patty did, just up and walk away from it all, cut my losses, and save myself. I wish I could. I really do. But there’s this part of me that says Hey, wait a minute…I’m in a position where I don’t have shit going for me, I sunk everything into this relationship, and I’m not just going to GIVE it all to him!

I lost my ass in the first marriage when he left me with a broken down trailer home, two kids, bills, and paid no child support. I got screwed in the second marriage when the SOB paid me just enough for childcare on our youngest while I worked, filed bankruptcy on all the bills he was supposed to take in the divorce, everything fell back on me and I ended up losing my home. Then to add insult to injury I let him take our son–my youngest–to live with him because he’d convinced me he had more to offer him and could better provide for him since I was struggling, he started using this parental control to threaten and control me, ended up suing me for child support, and in the end I got my son back because he proved to be the world’s shittiest father. After both of these marriages I went under, had to fight to resurface, and teach myself how to swim again just to get to safe waters. I had to rebuild everything practically from scratch. I’m not so young anymore. I’m definitely not as naive. Wince if you want, but if I would’ve known that not only would I have ended up giving it away for free and not gotten anything out of it, but would’ve had to pay for it in the end, I would’ve become a damn HOOKER! I won’t walk away empty-handed again!

Well, I feel much better. Ahhh…. There isn’t nothing quite like airing ones dirty laundry to clear the mind and clean the spirit up. Sorry if I got soot all over you guys. Next time don’t stand downwind while I fan the sheets, okay? I really need some feel-good vibes. Anyone have some to share? I’m not beyond enjoying moments vicariously through you all. I’m a thrift-whore remember? I like hand-me-downs!

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15 Comments on “I Couldn’t Get A Break if I Fell Out Of A 10th Floor Window!”

  1. stumbled across your blog from redneck princess and read a few posts… i love it!! sorry you are suffering at the moment but youll come out the other side stronger than before 🙂

    • Oh, I know. If nothing I’m a survivor of bad shit, but always seem to rise to the occasion and get over it.
      I’m glad you stopped by to peruse my site! Sorry that you caught me at such a shitty time. The only thing that I’m really well-informed about is my own life, so that’s what I write. Unfortunately, you never know from one day to the next if it’s gonna turn. Thanks for the words of encouragement too. I so appreciate them.

  2. The Hook says:

    Great title! Awesome post as well.

  3. Don’t you just hate it when times like this leap up to bite you? Hang in there… we’re on the cusp of a new month and hopefully it will bring better times for you.

    My condolences on the water problems. We live rurally and are on a well, too, and Christmas Eve two years ago, while we had a houseful of people visiting including a special needs baby, our water pressure petered out. Of course nobody was available to do a repair until after Christmas. Nothing festive about flushing toilets with buckets and creating company meals with bottled water taking up all the space on kitchen counters! Eventually we learned the bladder in the holding tank had a crack and so pressure couldn’t be maintained, but the problem didn’t go away after a $2000 replacement, and it ended up we also needed a new pump in the well. ::sigh:: Whatever your water problem is, I hope it’s solved soon. Life always feels better after a good long soak in a bubble bath! 🙂

    • Ah, it’s so nice to talk to someone rural who understands about well nightmares. The problems with our water have been one after another and I’m just tired, tired, tired, of it. I think we figured out what it is, but now my husband is going to have to dig up the line. We have water coming up in the yard. Neat, huh? Just in time for the heat of summer too!
      Just say a prayer for me. I could sure use it.

  4. Jenna pretty much summed up everything I wanted to say. I swear we are sisters from another mister.

    I send good vibes your way. Wishing you have a better week.

    • Thank you, hon. Usually if I can get over the initial hump I’m good to go. Weekends suck for me around here especially in the summer because I’m reminded of what I’m missing. Once Monday hits I’m pretty much over it till Friday again. Best not to read my posts on the weekends. 😉 I’m not very witty then.

  5. Honey, I will give you all I have, I have to admit, it ain’t much today. I hear ya though, hugs in your life changes…I am here to listen if you need me 🙂

  6. Aaaaargh. I have a useful all purpose phrase for when things go to the bad. Pooh, bum, fuck, tit – which can be abbreviated to PBFT if you are around the mealy mouthed. So sad that you couldn’t see your boy – when do you get your next chance. Fingers and toes that things look up. Hugs. Till your eyes water as my niece by marriage says.

    • We’re shooting for next weekend. Visitation is 8 to 8 on Saturday’s and Sunday’s, and I can see him for a few hours on those days. It’s just getting my husband to drive me out there and waste one of his days on the weekend that’s going to be hard. And I like your PBFT…but you know that’s not how I’d express it. Mealy mouthed I’m not. Balls to the wall!

  7. jennajadee says:

    Hang in there!! Life throws things at us, but if we all buckled down and lost what we love, then we would all be in some sort of crap! Sorry you didn’t get to see your son today, I was so happy for you. I know you need to see him, it would totally make you happy for the moment you are with him, and that could brighten your day even for a minute. I know there are better days to come, just hang on to your hope and keep airing out your sheets… I like the breeze from down here. Is that Gain I smell? Some nice scents, and the smell of love ~sends hugs again~ 😀 keep smiling, it will eventually cover up how bad you feel. I usually do the every bad thought you think, think of 10 good ones to cover rule the bad! Great days are coming… just hang in there.