My Sister Is A Turkey Vulture

Good morning my kindred. I hope all of you had a wonderful weekend, and that the weather cooperated wherever you are. It was absolutely beautiful here, and Pissy did get out of the house for a while, but alas…I still haven’t gotten on the scoot yet this summer. Yeah, I know! What the hell is up with that, right? What’s he waiting for…a freaking invitation? ((sigh)) I should’ve bought my own ride when I had the opportunity. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but I always end up with some clown who has a Harley, but just wants to admire it sitting in the garage. Hello! I say lets start that bad boy up and take it out to get dirty. Yee-Haw!

I went in town to do lunch with the family Saturday. Of course we had to go to the China Buffet again. I swear my sister is addicted to the MSG in all that shit, because it’s the only place she EVER chooses to go, and I’m burnt on it!. I ate one plate and was pretty much done. This is huge, because I seldom pass up dessert. The fact that I got to see two of my sisters, my brother, his wife, my niece and her husband, was a treat though. We’d all gotten together to dine with my older cousin who came in from Florida for a month to spend time with family. I was surprised she still had a smile on her face after spending the first week here with my sister. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my sister. It’s just that she isn’t exactly the bearer of good tidings and has the ability to suck happy right out of you after a mere fifteen minutes in her presence. I know, I’ve timed it! Just kidding…I mean about the timing. No, she really is a huge bitch!

You know, I have to tell ya, it’s difficult to embarrass me. I think by now most of you know me well enough by reading my blog to see that the odds of making me blush or recoil in humiliation are not good. It hasn’t happened very often in my life and takes a pretty powerful presence to pull that one off. That being said I have three words for you: Lunch. Waiter. Sister. To be more specific: We were finishing up lunch, the waiter came to our table, and my sister opened her huge, gaping trap…Again!

Waiter:  “Excuse me, are you finished with that? Would you like me to clear these plates out of your way?” He asks, motioning to the dirty dishes with a splattering of sauce that sat on the table between my sister and I, who were seated across from each other on one end.

Sister:  “What! Are you running out of plates in the back and need to wash these so you have some?” She asks sarcastically, and loud enough her voice travels.

Our entire table gasps. My brother says my sisters name, emphasizing it to let her know he’s not pleased. My other sister, a wonderful Christian woman who we joke wears rose-colored glasses, recoils in embarrassment. I, feeling the need to run to the poor mans rescue as he is obviously uncomfortable by the remark, thank him, tell him yes we’re finished, and as he walks away narrow my eyes on my sister.

Me:  “What is wrong with you? Good grief he was only trying to do his job!”

Sister:  “What?” she asks me sarcastically, acting as though she has a right to be pissed about something, and can’t believe we all find her behavior inappropriate. “The waitress was just here, so why did he need to come back so soon? And besides, this happened the last time we were here. They ran out of plates in the back and had to go around picking them up so they could have more.” She sneered.

Me:  “Sooo…?”

Sister:  “So…they should have more plates!”

Now, had it not been for the fact that when my sister is on a snotty roll that her voice gets louder with each sarcastic word that drips from her mouth, I probably would’ve reciprocated hers by asking why she feels the need to punish herself and the rest of us by dragging us there every damn time we meet for lunch when she’s obviously so unhappy with the service. However, she does get incredibly loud, people in the immediate vicinity were looking in our direction, I can only imagine the entire restaurant could hear and thought our table rude, and when this occurs the only thing to do to is well, …nothing at all. At best you can only change the subject, hope she lets the other go, and move on without a further scene. This is what we all did.

My therapist referred to her as a Toxic Personality, which if any of you is familiar with that coined phrase and know what it means, will understand what we all deal with. In fact, I wrote a post titled the same sometime back, and it took me two days to include everything I had to say on the subject. She, on the other hand, has no clue she’s sick, just refers to herself as being a bitch, and acts as if that excuses any and all behavior on her part. Oh, you know her and I have had many discussions on this, and none have been pleasant. The reason being that she ‘lops’ me in that category too. OH NO YOU DON’T!

Hey, I’m the first person to admit that I’m a big Bitch, but her definition and mine are drastically different. I see it as being a woman who stands up for herself and stays steadfast at trying to be her own person. She, on the other hand, thinks all she has to say is that she admits she’s a bitch and that entitles her to treat any and everyone like shit, excuses her for gossiping about and judging others lives, looking at the glass half-empty 24/7, and constantly being a fly in the ointment when she’s with us. I guess I don’t have to tell you how much I hate that, do I?

True Story: Quite a few years back I had gone into the local grocery in the city where I lived to pick up a few things. I happened to be standing in the produce department which was located right near the entrance/exit doors, when I saw a young employee come through them, almost breathless like she was in a hurry. She gave me a quick smile as she passed behind me on her way to an adjacent door that I knew led to the bathrooms and employee breakroom. Before she could reach them, however, she was stopped by a manager that had been standing nearby and proceeded to get her ass chewed right in front of me and another woman that was picking through produce. From what I was able to gather from their conversation, she was new, was told not to wear shorts to work, had them on, he was pissed, and told her to go home and change.  Now honestly, I didn’t see anything wrong with the way she was dressed. The shorts weren’t tight and they nearly reached her knees, but apparently this was a no-no and he used it as an opportunity to throw his weight around, make it clear who held a superior position, and just bully the hell out of her for no other reason than that he could. She was obviously embarrassed, her bottom lip quivered as she apologized to him, and tears began to fill her eyes as she turned to go home and change clothes. He stood there smug–like he had no clue he’d done anything wrong–and upon seeing me looking in his direction proceeded to approach me and ask if I needed help with anything. Yep, I certainly did! I was pissed! I told him in no uncertain terms that his behavior towards her in front of customers was the most unprofessional thing I thought I’d ever seen, I was embarrassed at having had to witness it, it made me completely uncomfortable, and he should be incredibly ashamed for abusing his power like that. The woman near me tried to stifle a laugh, the managers jaw dropped and he quickly apologized. I then told him that you don’t get productivity out of an employee by bullying, you get it by obtaining their respect, and perhaps he shouldn’t hold the position he did. I then told him that he should be apologizing to the employee and not me. I don’t like that shit! It is never acceptable to treat people like crap just because you can. NEVER!

So other than that little upset, lunch went without a hitch, and after I did go to my sisters house to spend an additional hour with my cousin. Fortunately, my sister doesn’t try to bully me the way she used to, so I fared all right till the hubby picked me up. The weather was beautiful as we were driving home so I asked what his plans were and he told me he intended to mow the lawn. Why not? Isn’t that the excuse he uses every weekend to get out of taking me anywhere. Whatever!

Had a little happy-time with my darling, little, hairy babies Saturday afternoon, which nearly turned out to be fatal for them. I decided since the weather was nice I would take them all out into the yard for a while and let them experience the fresh air, grass, and some sunshine for the first time. I loaded all ten of them into an empty, milk crate we had sitting on the back porch and carried them out to the patio set. They didn’t know what to make of the grass at first, were tippy-toeing around, and absolutely howling like they were scared out of their minds. They adjusted quickly though, and before long my eyes were darting in every direction trying to keep track of them, lest one found a bush and got lost on me. Then they appeared. These swooping black monsters in the sky. Now I see these things all the time. Usually just a few, and they’re normally hovering above our woods right behind the house. This time they were right above me, and there were like seven of them! Holy shit! I felt I was in a remake of “The Birds”. Well, it didn’t take me but an instant to figure out what they’d set their sights on. MY BABIES! So here I am hurling myself from the patio chair, grabbing the light sheet I’d had draped over my legs that I’d placed there because my knees had begun turning pink earlier, and am running around in circles waving this damn thing around in the air with one arm trying to shoo them away and snatching running babies with the other and throwing them back in the milk crate one at a time. I’m sure the little critters were more scared of me than the lurking danger in the sky. Just like I’m pretty positive those black bastards were hovering above me laughing through their beaks, and telling one another “Wait till that fat bitch trips and then just swoop down and take the whole damn basket.” I got every last one of them to safety, though I admit it was touch and go for a moment. I  came inside after and asked my husband what the hell those things were anyway. I mean, I know I’ve been here for years, but if something doesn’t pertain to me I don’t care enough to ask.  He told me they were turkey vultures. Whatever the fuck that is! I asked him what the hell they were doing hovering above me like that in a pact. He told me matter-of-fact that he suspected they were looking for lunch. Smart ass! Well, now I’m terrified to let the chihuahua out by himself for fear they’re going to mistake him for a rat and carry him off. This should be a great summer. The chihuahua is the sneaky-pee’r and the one that needs to be outside the most. ((groan)) I did learn one thing from watching them though. I realized my sister isn’t so much a bitch as she is a turkey vulture.

Yesterday blew the big wienie and ain’t even worth getting into. Did nothing, went no where, and watched my husband hold down the couch most of the day for fear it would grow legs and walk away if he didn’t. And how was your weekend?

20 thoughts on “My Sister Is A Turkey Vulture

  1. Makes me thankful even more that I don’t have a sister 🙂 Glad you rescued all the kitties without a catastrophe!!! I worked all weekend…so yours was way more exciting than mine was 🙂

    1. You crack me up! Ha..ha.. “…may be forthright and fond of swearing…” Ha..ha..
      Hey, I forgot to mention when I was writing about my Saturday that at lunch my brother informed me he hasn’t been reading my blog because…. “I can’t read that. I just can’t.” I just told him “Sorry Junior, it’s how I write.” Then my older sister asks “Well, do you have to use that language?” I paused for a second, thought about it, and said “Yep. I sure do!” Oh, I know they don’t understand. They are both really devoted Christians, have never really understood me anyway, but I’m thankful at least don’t beat on the table how I’m going to hell or anything. I just explained that’s how I think, that’s the words I would use to make my point if I were speaking, so that’s how I’m going to write. You can’t be real if you spend all your time worrying about what others will think.
      “…may be forthright and fond of swearing…” Yep, that’s me, Babe! Potty-Mouth Central! Thanks for thinking of me though. 😉

  2. Hllo, Dearie, I am sorry I have not been around. I just read this whole post, but not the comments. Just focusing on you right now… glad you are still steadfastly writing about your life experience. I know you got it right- your sister is a public bitch. I worked in restaurants in the past, am a huge food enthusiast, and because of assholes, will not even consider re-entering the business. She has no respect for persons. You get it. You just described for me further why you call yourself “bitch”, because, really. I do not like it…but now, I get it. I am totally on your side.

    As for your kittys. Thank GOD you saved them! Thank God. Good job

    I do not know when I will have something new to write, but I hope to be reading everyone until then. I s that okay?

    1. Okay, now I’m concerned. Everything is all right isn’t it? Well, of course you’re probably not going to answer me here. Duh! No, seriously. You don’t sound like yourself and that’s worrying me. You know if you want to talk you can drop me a line. You’re one of the first people I really connected with through my blog and I think the world of you. When Spectra isn’t full of wit and sarcasm something is not right with the world. You make sure whether you write or not you keep in touch with me dammit. I know there are times we all need the break so I understand that. Pinky swear…you’re not going to forget about me?

  3. Living with more than one sibling (and a mother) on the edge, I’ve told my kids it’s a wonder I’ve turned out as normal as I am. There are siblings I’ve learned to steer around, and my life is better knowing I don’t let them get to me like they can get to themselves. If they want to embarrass me, I return in kind. Such a bad Pandora. Sorry — it’s my nature.
    I, too, have been humiliated by a boss. She felt forced into hiring me, didn’t like my sister (who I was filling in for while she was on maternity leave). She started berating me in front of a young lady who walked into the store one evening. After she finished, she turned and smiled at her, asking if she could help her. Without missing a beat, the young lady turned to me and said, “Patty, I broke my ignition key. I was wondering if you could loan me a dollar to have a new one made.” Loved it! Jenny let her know that it was not acceptable, no matter how you feel about someone personally. I still laugh about that.
    A person can only exercise the power over you that you let them.
    Yay, Lulu!! Someone took her balls out of her purse!

    1. I know…I know…I’ve been putting up with her shit for years, for no other reason then she was my sister, I loved her, I knew there was a loving person underneath all the bullshit, and thought I was strong enough to ride it out. I just finally had to say enough is enough because she was making and keeping me sick with her. She just literally sucks the ‘happiness’ out of the room. So yeah, I guess it took me a while to take my balls out of her purse. And thanks for the visualization, Pandora Patty.
      Well that story sounds like one of those…uh-oh…put my foot in my mouth…stories. You know that happened to me too. Right after Markie and his dad had that bad accident when he was little, Mark’s mouthy sister-in-law went up to the hospital and was running her mouth about me in Mark’s room. Just saying terrible things. Of course Mark was trying to tell her to shut up, because even though we were divorced I was running back and forth from his room and Markie’s trying to help take care of them both. She didn’t realize it at the time, but standing in the room was my niece. Well, she came and told me everything and all hell broke loose between her and I on the hospital lawn later, and I ended up having her banned from Markie’s room. Just goes to show that you should be very careful what you say to whom, cause you never know what may come of it.
      I’m just so excited you’re coming in town! YAY, EVERYONE! PANDORA PATTY IS COMING IN TO SEE LOU HERE REAL SOON!
      Oh yeah, Doug just brought you home a bottle of Tequila one of his buddies got from Mexico. Apparently it’s the ‘real deal’. I told him to save it cause PANDORA PATTY IS COMING IN! YAY AGAIN!!!
      Ya know I just love ya!

  4. Re the Turkey Vulture. I think every family has one. Since my mother died (A BIG VULTURE) ours are quiet, but I know they are lurking. Perhaps its me?
    Love, love, loved you telling off the snotty manager. Should be done more often. I write letters of complaint, but I also write letters of praise.
    The ambulance drivers who took the smaller portion and me to hospital recently were lovely. Gentle, respectful and caring. But what blew me away was that the next day after my boy had been operated on, one of the ambo’s stopped in to visit him. How amazing is that! So I wrote a thank you letter. And got one back from the ambulance service saying how rare it was to be thanked and how much they appreciated it. These guys saved my boys life (and visited). How could I not say thank you. Sometimes people suck.

    1. Oh, that was so nice that they did that. And also nice that you took the time to acknowledge it. I agree. I always try and remember to say thank you, and go out of my way to let someone know when they’ve done something that’s touched me. Likewise, if they do something that I see is inappropriate I have no problem calling them on it. Not that I’m perfect. By far I’m not. But when I’ve faltered there was always someone there to let me know it, so I just extend the same courtesy. That’s how you learn. The words “You should be ashamed of yourself for hurting that person” can carry a lot of weight when told to another. Then of course you have turkey vultures like my sister that never learn. I mean NEVER! She is going to someday die the miserable, old, lonely bitch that she’s made herself. The only thing she’s going to be remembered for is gossiping, judging others, her sarcasm, negativity, and helping people just so she can put a feather in her cap and lord it over them. I wouldn’t want that. If I have nothing I have my name, and my word. And when people speak my name after I’m gone I want them to say, “Yeah, I remember her. When I needed this, that, or something else she was there for me.”

    1. Well, I’m glad to humor you. I must admit thought, that all kidding aside, she can be soooo awful at times it unnerves me. I mean, we have really battled over this, because I can’t believe that her attitude doesn’t bother her in the least. And she is like this all the time! She should be so ashamed that me, her younger sister by ten years, has to remind her of what appropriate behavior and good manners are. I commend anyone that has to deal with this shit in their own family and does it with grace, cause most of the time I just feel like socking her a good one right in the kisser where all the vile is coming from. And yes, I have decided that turkey vulture applies to her perfectly, because she reminds me of one of those nasty big birds that’s just waiting to sink their claws into weaker, unsuspecting prey. That being said, thank you for popping by my blog. I love meeting new people and am going to have to stop by your house now.

  5. Wow. Lovvveeee it! You go chick! A lot of people would have turned their head and not say anything. And usually your “bird’ only likes dead things, as we have them here, but they could be really hungry, who knows?
    and I think you just need to tie the couch weight to the Harley and go for a ride.. 🙂

    1. Oooh, good idea. Tying the old man to the bike… Now if I could just lift him. He’s starting to put on a little more weight than I care for round his middle.
      No, I’m serious…these damn things were hovering right above me, and they have never done that! And there was like a pack of them! Enough that they were casting some pretty mean shadows on the ground. My husband told me that they have been known to pick up small animals and carry them off, so the children are not to go out unsupervised anymore. I told him Sully was okay though. It’d take the lot of them and their friends to tote that fat bastard off the ground. Ewwww…they are just awful, awful things….

    1. Oh my gosh, it just scared the living daylights out of me, I kid you not! I am so protective over these little darlings, because their mothers have turned out to be the absolute worst in the world, and if it weren’t for grandma then know one would care about them. Ugh! What ominous, ugly creatures these things are! I was ready to fight though! I had that bad-ass sheet in hand! ha..ha..

  6. I see it as being a woman who stands up for herself and stays steadfast at trying to be her own person.

    I love this definition. I love how it encompasses the idea that you can be a seemingly gentle person but rain hellfire on others if circumstances dictate.

    And speaking of raining hellfire? I love you. I love you I love you I love you for what you said to that manager. I really hope he actually understood what you were saying to him, and tried being a little more conscientious about removing employees to a quiet, private space before correcting them in the future. As was, that was definitely more about flaunting power than correcting an errant action. Ugh.

    1. I know…right? What bullshit!
      You know, I had to deal with something similar myself. Well, actually it wasn’t me, but rather a few younger employees I worked with. It was when I was married to my first husband, my two oldest children were very little, and I was working part-time at Breadeaux Pizza. I was probably in my mid-twenties at that time, around the same age as the female manager there, and the kids working there were in or barely out of their teens. This woman was a bitch, mocked them, and talked down on them for everything they did wrong. I finally had enough one day, told her I was sick and tired of her making those kids feel like shit, this job didn’t pay me enough to keep my mouth shut anymore, and I was the type that would wait for her in the parking lot and show her what real bullying felt like. The kids just stood their with a look of shock on their faces, I told her to shove the job, and left. I can’t take that kind of shit.
      You know, I managed a bar, there was a lot of times where employees that were supposed to relieve me from my shift bartending were late, called in at the last minute and I had to pull a double, or just did really stupid shit. Many times we talked about this…in private. But I always knew that customers were going to treat other employees the way they see management or the owner treating them, and I was not going to put them in a position where no one respected them when I had to leave them in charge of the bar. It’s not good business, and it’s not professional. And I think it’s everyone’s responsibility to say something when they see that happening. If they do it’ll stop.
      And yeah, there’s only one definition for being a Bitch, and that’s it. If you’re the other they have a word for that, and it starts with a capital C.

  7. My weekend was not nearly exciting as yours. I asked my daughter to go to a movie but she was busy, so I did a lot of reading and getting ready to do my CASA visits this week. I was basically a boring weekend.

    1. Yeah, I know about those. I have a lot of them. Depresses the hell out of me when summer is here too, cause that’s when I want to run the most.
      Hey, I can get lost in a good book though, so that’s a perk at least. Was it anything I might be interested in? I’m always looking for a recommendation.

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