Piss Machine and Nutless Wonder Hit the Vet

I sit here childless this morning. This never happens. I am always stuck caring for someone or something. As broadcast in my last post, the youngest flew the coup yesterday morning, and today the old man carted off both dogs to the vet. I am alone. Well, unless you count these ten, awful kittens I have that are nearly three months. 

You’d think because they are all outside now that taking care of them would be simple, right? Wrong! These two sets of kittens that were born a week a part are so rotten and annoying both of their mothers ran off to be free of them. One took off at least a month ago, which left the other to try and raise all of them by herself. The problem is they wouldn’t stop nursing. All ten of them followed her around and sucked the poor girl dry till she was a bag of bones. No exaggeration here! And there was literally no excuse for it, because they were all eating kitten food by the age of seven/eight weeks. Well, this bitch took off too about a week or so ago, so the little darlings won’t leave us alone now. Our windows are low and there’s a ledge underneath the bathroom window, so they take turns sitting and crying through the screen, and the moment they hear any movement whatsoever from any of us, they start climbing the screen. I shit you not! The worst part though is you can’t step outside the door without a whole gaggle of them greeting you and trying to slip inside. I mean they actually fight to get in the house. I have to take a squirt bottle full of water with me when I go in and out. This is tricky when you’re dragging a 90 pound, Pitbull on a leash with you and holding the door open for a chihuahua. If any of you recall my previous posts where I said how tickled I was that I was a new grandma of ten…ignore it. This no longer holds water. 

Both boys had to go to the vet this morning, because both of them are sick. This never happens either. Hound Dog had his nuts cut last weekend, remember? Well I think he got a cold from the doctors office, cause he came home not feeling well, and within days had a runny nose and was coughing up phlegm. We’d already made an appointment for Sully for this weekend, so decided the little guy would go back in with him. I don’t know what’s wrong with the big guy. He was acting a little funny from the heat, but I just tried to keep him cool. Then I noticed he wouldn’t drink any water from his dish, but kept trying to slip into the bathroom to drink from the toilet–and before you all cringe, no…we don’t allow him to do that–so I found myself having to put ice in his water dish to coax him to drink it. Then he started peeing at random on my floor. He’s been housebroke for four years so there’s no excuse. Within the last couple of days he’s stopped eating completely and acts lethargic. Anyway, they are vet bound this morning, so hopefully if he has a urine infection or something they can get it taken care of.

Yeah, mommy and daddy have been pretty worried about the babies. We let them sleep with us last night. Normally we don’t do this because the Pitbull always stretches out on my end of the bed, and I wind up sleeping with my damn knees up to my chest. Then the chihuahua likes to burrow beneath the cover but over the top sheet, so every time me and my husband move and pull the covers taut, he tends to springboard up like he’s on a trampoline. Fun, fun, when the four of us are on the queen size bed together. I’ve been having a bit of a guilt complex though over the neutering. When I sent him in I didn’t realize they take the whole ball out of the sack! Ewwww! I thought they just went in and cut a cord like they do on a man. My baby has saggy, empty, ball sacks now, you can tell he’s pissed at me, and the old man won’t let me forget it. I asked my husband the other day if he thought Hound Dog knew they weren’t there anymore, and he said “Well yeah he knows!” Then proceeded to tell me that my dog hates me now, and that he told him it was all my fault. Whatever! Just this morning…

Hubby:  Climbing out of bed and preparing to take the dogs outside to do their business. “Come on… Come on…” He’s using his Robin Williams ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ voice trying to coax Hound Dog off the bed.

Me:  “Well pick him up. He doesn’t want to jump down off the bed. He’s still sore.”

Hubby:  Standing in the doorway. “Whose fault is that?”

Me:  “Stop it. You’re not going to make me feel guilty. You know he needed to get fixed cause he won’t stop riding the kittens and Sully. And besides, how was I to know they took the whole damn thing out?”

Hubby:  He’s using his baby talk on Hound Dog who still won’t budge off the bed. “Yes, we hate mommy now, don’t we? She turned you into a nutless wonder, didn’t she?”

Me:  “That’s mean.”

Hubby:  “It’s not me he hates.” My husband gives me the ‘look’. Then back to his Mrs. Doubtfire voice. “Come on you little nutless wonder…let’s go potty.”

Yep, that’s how my morning began. The old man carted off the huge piss-machine and the little nutless wonder, so I sit here alone with my pc and thoughts. I probably should get up and get my butt motivated. I don’t do nearly enough around here anymore. FYI for those who care: I’m feeling much better this morning about my son. I assume it will come and go in waves for a while. In the meantime I’ll just make the best of it.

You all have a rocking weekend if you don’t hear from me. Cyber-hugs! Mean it!!

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18 Comments on “Piss Machine and Nutless Wonder Hit the Vet”

  1. The Hook says:

    Enjoy the break! If you can.

  2. Spectra says:

    Hey, Girl! Gave you an award over at my Blog…when you get back in business (n rush…let the heat do it’s business) check it out. Nice Plug. Plus left a link to here: http://spectrumwoman.com/2011/08/05/rhetoric/

  3. I hope your dogs feel better soon! Hmmm…maybe I should take one of those kittens off your hands….

  4. So sorry to hear about your son leaving, hopefully it works out for him. And you have 10 kitty babies… wow. Your commentary with you and your husband killed me, so like hubby and I 🙂

  5. Seems like you had a busy weekend. I think it is time for the kittys to go too. Maybe your older cats will come back? Sorry about your dog 😦 the grudge wont last long, maybe a few more days.
    I remember when my mom got her tom cat fixed.. he was laying in the dining room licking and cleaning himself, with his eyes closed. He opened his leg, other arm stretched out on his stomach and he went down for a lick, his eyes flew open and he jumped up and ran straight to her bed to hide in the covers. He stayed there for a long time haha. My mom felt so bad, but he came around about 2 weeks after.
    BTW – I think men like making us feel guilty, it is like a thing/power they think they have over us. (they THINK) ~sending you some hugs~ Are you still under the heat wave?

  6. Lisa says:

    Nutless wonder, that’s hilarious!

    • Yeah, my husband has got a name for everything. He refers to his friends by names like, puddin, pole-smoker, hollywood, etc. depending on how he sees them. My 17 year old son he refers to as ‘Slap-nuts’, so my boy now calls him ‘Slap-nuts Sr.’. Never a dull moment around this house. The really hilarious thing is my husband doesn’t try to be funny, and really doesn’t even realize he is…I think that’s where the hilarity comes in. He usually says shit with no emotion on his face at all. It’s comical.

  7. egills says:

    Only a man could even think to make you feel guilty about having your dog done… I’m sure if you had a bitch he’d be the first to want her speyed so she didn’t smear her monthlies all over the place. It’s a dog.. it’s not like it plays with it’s balls all the time ( unlike men who have to grab a feel every 5 seconds or so ).
    Glad to hear they’re going to get better though… and yep get shot of all those kittens as quickly as possible or you’ll end up with about 60 this time next year!

    • Well, I think most of it is a joke and he’s just trying to give me a hard time, but I admit the ‘dog’ made me feel guilty. It’s taken him a week to warm up to me again, and he’s my dog! I normally can’t get him off of me. He assumes that the moment I sit and make a lap that this is his chair and jumps up on me. He wouldn’t even look at me for days, and stayed under the couch and loveseat most of the time. He’s better now. And least he doesn’t act like he hates me anymore.
      Oh yeah, those kittens are going bye-bye. My husband has informed me to figure out which few I want to keep and the rest are going to a farm. Of course he’s said that nearly every day for the last couple/few weeks and they’re still here. I wonder if he’s dragging his feet because he thinks I’m really going to be heartbroken over it. Ummm….no! They gotta go!

  8. Ed Williams says:

    hmmm…. I couldn’t help but read this post while sitting spread eagle on my leather sofa while watching extreme cage matched boxing… my hand stuffed down my sweatpants adjusting myself about every 36 seconds or so just to make sure they were um… still intact. Can we not talk about nutless wonders anymore? Sheesh.
    Although, to be honest, I have known several “men” who undoubtedly (Mrs. Doubtfire reference, so love that movie) are “ball-less” and some women who may actually have a pair of those “fake” ones in brass.
    Maybe I could some it up by a porn movie I saw back in the 80’s entitled “ET- the Extra-Testicle.” : /

    • Ed Williams says:

      *sum* damn…hate these 5 am responses!

    • Another thing we have in common: I also know several, ahem…’men’.. who still have their balls but act like Mrs. Doubtfire–although I give them credit for dressing better–and I have a keychain that is a heavy set of gold balls (no I’m not kidding! I can take pics if you like. 😉
      My porn movie of the eighties…was it the eighties?…Oh well… “Dickman and Throbbin”. Hilarious! My first look at John Holmes. ((yawn)) Okay he was lengthy, but you could jump rope with it, it appeared to be so flacid. I mean, who wants that?!!

  9. Hope everyone feels better soon and you get the kitten thing straightened out …hehehehe…

    • The boys are going to be fine. Sully has pills for a kidney infection and Hound Dog is taking cough medicine for his cold. Who knew you could give dogs children’s cough syrup? I didn’t.
      Don’t know about these miserable cats. My son has a friend whose grandfather owns a farm nearby and said that he wouldn’t mind taking the rest of them on his property. Yep, they might be heading out pretty soon for different pastures. My patience is waning.

  10. Did you know that you can get artificial balls so that he still looks like he has something there? I kid you not. Had to be a man thought that one up. And I do so understand the guilt trip that animals can lay on you – even without your husbands help. Hope all your boys do well this weekend and that you do even better than them.

    • Artificial balls? Yep…that had to be a man!
      I’m doing fine today. Instead of focusing on the negative I’m trying to tell myself with him gone there’s less to clean up, less laundry, no one lying around on my couch in the morning (it’s too hot for him to sleep in his room), I can get back on the schedule I used to have, rise early, and get my things done… I don’t have to share the computer with anyone during the day. Ha! This could work out fine.
      I’m in denial, huh?

  11. Spectra says:

    That’s too bad about the boy getting sick like that. I always got scared when my dog was sick. I would suddenly feel like a bad mom, and called the vet fast. Which I guess made me a good Mom!

    Glad your beginning to feel better.

    • Vet told my husband that Sully has a kidney infection and he gave him pills. For Hound Dog he recommended a fourth teaspoon of children’s tussin syrup, and said he should be fine. Me, I’m doing better too. Just hanging out trying to beat the heat today. I refused to turn the air on so I’m dealing with it. I can only take so much of the air conditioner before I feel closed in. Hope the heat is better up East!