What’s More Important Than Blogging?

I’m pushing myself to write this morning, so I’m not sure how eloquent any of this is going to read. I’ve felt very detached from everything and everyone, and it’s made it impossible for me to write. Things are not going well on the home-front, and my natural reaction is to shut down, turn off, and tune out, when I can’t deal with something. I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring emails and all my subscriptions. I just couldn’t deal with anything else. I guess I feel somewhat of a responsibility to let everyone know why I haven’t been around though. Don’t want you to think I’m going anywhere.  

The current wave of depression hit and I’ve been doing my best to ride it. Currently I’m struggling. I suppose it didn’t help that my son decided to move out early, so then the ‘Mom’ part of me kicked in to worry. I thought I was beginning to get a grip on that as well as the depression itself, but now my other boy is sick.

I don’t expect some of you to understand, but for those of you who consider your pet as more your child and a part of your family, you will. These precious children who rely on you for everything: love, entertainment, food, shelter, medical care, et.. who can’t speak to tell you when something is wrong, are virtual slaves to their own illness when sick until you ‘pick up’ on it. I don’t know how long now our boy has been sick, but I’m beating the hell out of myself over it wondering if I failed to notice something. Sadly, I really never saw any symptoms until recently.

Per my last post, I told you all how Hound Dog had come home with a cold after his brief stay at the vets getting his manhood removed, and Sully had looked like he wasn’t feeling well and had a few watery mishaps on the floor, so Daddy was taking them both in to the vet last weekend. All seemed fine after he arrived back home with them. The doctor prescribed antibiotics for Sully–as my husband was told that it was a kidney infection–and Hound Dog was to go on a small dose of children’s cough medicine till his minor symptoms were gone. Well, Hound Dog started getting better within a couple of days. Sully did not.

I’ve had a few children and as many husband’s who’ve gotten sick, and am experienced with illness enough to know that antibiotics start kicking the shit out of infection within a few days. You may have to take them for a duration of ten days, sometimes more, but you always see immediate improvement in health. When you don’t that’s not a good sign. My boy, our 90 pound Pitbull, the same that comes to me when I call him “Son”, wasn’t improving. He, in fact, appeared to be getting worse. He had no desire to eat and we would have to ply him with canned dog food. Had no desire to drink, even though he appeared to be thirsty. Was lethargic, breathing became labored, and didn’t want to climb the stairs to go to bed with us at night. This happened quickly within a couple of days after the diagnosis of kidney infection and by Wednesday I was frantic and calling the vet back. My husband had to take a day off from work and run him the hour back in to the city to get lab work done. The results were told to us Saturday. His kidneys are failing. I don’t understand it all. Some shit about too much calcium poisoning his kidneys. Whatever. The only thing I really comprehend is what the vet said when he told me over the phone that he wasn’t going to lie to me, but that my boy could die from this.

He left with my husband this morning to trek back in to the docs. The vet wants to give him an exam to find out if there’s something he can do surgically or not. He made it clear that he’ll probably be on medication for the rest of his life if he’s caught this in time. Does that matter? My husband and I both made it clear to him that money is no expense. We don’t have much, but what we do have will go to save him if there’s any chance he can survive. He is only four years old. He has plenty of life left in him. More important, he is our child. HE IS OUR CHILD. 

I really can’t express enough how important our dogs are to us…to me. My husband works and I do not. From day one these boys were put in my care, and I was the one responsible for teaching them, spoiling them, loving them. Because of this miserable DUI, and having a husband who’s not willing to help me get my license back and car fixed, and because I’ve been unwilling to drive illegally, I’ve been confined to this house for several years now. I’ve long ago lost fair-weather friends who found it inconvenient to go out of their way to come pick me up to go out or stop by for a visit, and these children give me a reason to get up every day. They listen when I need someone  to talk to, show me affection when I’m unhappy, entertain me when I’m bored, and keep me company constantly. My life revolves around them. I literally couldn’t love them more if they were my biological children. Do you get it? 

I’m overwhelmed right now with fear and worry. Worst than what I’m dealing with is what my husband is going through. He is someone that by nature is physically capable of showing affection, but is emotionally detached from people. Someone would probably refer to it as being the type that lets shit roll off his back. Another may refer to him as being stoic. I personally think some woman fucked him up long before I got him, and that’s why he’s so guarded at showing deep affection, love, or emotional attachment. I assumed this was just who he was till we got Sully. This dog decided from day one that although I was the one who cared for him and trained him that my husband was his master. His devotion to my husband has brought out another side to the man I married. I kid you not when I tell you that this dog is the first one my husband leans down and hugs and kisses before he goes to work, and the first one he reaches for when he comes through the door after. I have no doubt in my mind that he loves this dog and is more devoted to him than he is me. I worry now what losing him would do to him. What it would do to me. 

I’d appreciate it if you’d all bear with me during this difficult time. I know I’ve been very neglectful of my blog and all of yours. I’m sorry. Hopefully all things considered will see an improvement in the near future.

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13 Comments on “What’s More Important Than Blogging?”

  1. The Hook says:

    There’s certainly more to life than blogging, young woman. Hang in there.

  2. Taochild says:

    Once again I can relate directly to all that you say. We recently had a cat pass away form kidney failure. In her case it was her time, but the loss was still felt. I may not be as devotedly attached to the cats as you are to your children. In fact they drive me crazy. But they are still family! Their loss is felt as keenly as that of a sister. Hang in there. Take solace in knowing that others not only feel your pain, but send you their love and well wishes. There is healing in heartfelt thoughts. And more power when many send the thoughts your way! Faith is power!

  3. Sorry to hear that your puppy is so sick. That sucks!
    Jodi

  4. Awe my friend, hugs to both of you and your puppy…we are here if you need us xoxox

  5. Jodi Lea says:

    😦
    When you asked “Do you get it?”, I answered out loud, tears running down my face – I certainly do get it! I am so sorry you are going through this, Lou. I know it F#$%*ing SUCKS.
    I was missing your blog and hoping you were too busy having fun to write. No one ever accused me of being psychic.
    Take care of yourself and your child and don’t worry about us. We’ll be out here. You’re worth the wait!

  6. Oh Lou, my heart is hurting for you all. Those furbabies wind their paws into your heart strings. And I know what you mean about hubby. Our cats are definitely more loved than me. When himself gets home he picks up Jazz and carries him round to look out windows (and get a different perspective). Then I get some attention.
    Blog when you are ready. We will be here.

  7. Oh Lou sorry to hear all that – and this is the worst possible timing but I have awarded you a Seven Links Award (!) which you may have had before but I couldn’t possibly not award you as I received it myself. Ignore it! Hope you get some good news soon – fingers and toes crossed – thinking about you 😦

  8. Renee Mason says:

    Dear Lou, my thoughts and prayers are with you and Sully. Don’t give a thought to your blog; your readers aren’t going anywhere even if we don’t hear from you for weeks. My Reggae (Aussie Shepard/Lab) and Baxter (boxer) send a big shout out to Sully!

  9. SimonAndRoni says:

    Such and awful situation to be in. I remember when I noticed that my parents’ dog was ailing, we soon found out he had diabetes. It at first seemed like a death sentence, especially since he was already 11 years old. But with some special food and insulin twice a day he’s been going strong for 2 1/2 years.
    I hope there is a treatment for your pup and he flies past this horrible event as quick as possible!

  10. Spectra says:

    Those Pet Kids are definately more important than blogging!

    Many of the treatments developed to heal humans are what they also use to treat our dogs and cats. I’ve heard of renal failure being a major problem with certain breeds of dogs, but not Pit Bulls. So sorry this is happening for all of you. It’s a terrible thing. When my dog was sick or in pain, it was so deeply felt by me, I got sick, in a way, as well. Emotionally sick. Losing my Puppy, after 15 years of companionship, to illness and age, was devastating for me. Devastating. And there is so much guilt, too. Which sounds like what you are now feeling, the what did I miss? What could I have done sooner? syndrome. Rest assured, you didn’t cause this illness. And hopefully, the medication will treat him, and he will live out his years by both of your sides. He is probably so very grateful to be in your home, your lives, and your hearts.

  11. Don’t worry about the blogging or making the effort to blog, sometimes everyone needs to shut down and tune out. I’ve had a bout of severe headaches the last several days, I wouldn’t call them migraines, at least I don’t think they are, but they’ve been painful enough to force me into a quiet motionless state. No blogging or writing for days, and now I’m itching to get back into it, although the screen is still a bit too bright.

    Hope you’re feeling well soon!

  12. mairedubhtx says:

    I understand exactly how you feel. My two fur kids are my life. They are more responsive to me than my daughter. I love them to death. My first dog Spikey developed a heart condition and I spent hours in the car driving him to Texas A & M for treatment. That treatment gave him 2 or 3 more years of a good life. I thought I would die when he died. My two rescued fur kids have helped me get over Spikey’s loss but I will always miss him. I hope the vet can do something for Sully. I suffer from failing kidneys and at least the doctor can do something for me to keep me going. I hope they can for Sully, too. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Lou.

  13. Just Bren! says:

    My goodness. My heart cries for you knowing you are dealing with all this. Once good thing is, you’re blogging about it and getting it out. I hoe you can find some comfort in that. I and Titan are sending prayers for your baby pitbull. My Titan is my son no matter those who say “Its just a dog.” I would do anything for him! So I totally understand what you are going through with your baby. Please keep us posted. He’s a big boy and hopefully strong enough to kick anything. ~hugs~