“How Much is that Doggy in the Window?”

I’m feeling much better today. I knew the only way I would get through this is to get a daily routine back in place to distract me, and am currently trying to do so. Before the craziness of the summer months took over, I had such a routine that served me well. I awoke early with my husband, got a fire going in the hearth during the cold months, settled in with my blog and some coffee till mid-morning, and then I began chores. Routine is good. Routine to a control-freak is necessary. Some of us are wired differently and just can’t cope with shit strewn at us randomly and from all directions. Anyway, in the last couple of days I’ve been waking up before the sun, and although I haven’t quite yet gotten the morning routine down cause it’s still difficult for me to write, I’m moving in that direction. At least laundry is getting done and I am managing to get something in my blog today.

It appears my husband is ready to adopt a new baby. He came home last night from work, went out and raked the dirt smooth over Sully’s grave, hung on his cell phone in the garage for a while, and took a walk with his jar. I’m still not sure that’s healthy, but I’m just going with it for right now. Then he brought up a conversation he had with Doc Ed, and told me that Ed said he didn’t see anything wrong with our getting a new pup so soon, and that in fact, he believed Sully would want to share his loving parents with another dog, because there are so few wonderful parents to go around. I must’ve had the look, cause he quickly stressed “It won’t be a replacement. No dog could ever replace him. But we do need a large dog for the property.”

I know he’s lonely. Sully was his dog. I may have loved Sully, been the one who trained him and cared for him, but he made it clear from day one where his loyalty lay, and it wasn’t with me. He loved his daddy. My husband adored him. The old man now comes home and wanders around like he’s lost without his sidekick next to him. I do feel for him. There’s just one problem…I don’t think I’M ready.

This hesitation on my part has nothing to do with my loyalty to Sully. I agree that he would want us to share our home and the love and care we gave him with another dog. It’s not that. It’s simply because, well…I’m exhausted. Big puppies are a lot of work. There’s the potty-training, also fighting to keep Hound Dog from marking his territory when the puppy has a mishap, breaking him from teething on everything, getting into trash, etc. They are ALOT OF WORK. WORK MY HUSBAND WOULDN’T BE DOING. WORK I WOULD. I don’t think I have it in me. My mind and body is weary from dealing with the constant upheaval in my life lately. And not just from Sully’s illness and death, but also worrying over choices I feel are poor that my children are making. I don’t think I’m ready for another dog because I feel I have nothing to give it. I have difficulty focusing, am just now starting to be able to write again, have yet to even begin to start reading all of my subscriptions, and have a hard time just getting into my daily chores. I look like hell. All this shit has taken a toll on me, my skin is sallow, the lines on my face deep, my hair is dry, I haven’t bothered with eating properly for some time, and can barely push myself to put on makeup if we go into town. How the hell am I supposed to train a new puppy? I can’t even take care of myself?

There’s not a lot of freedom that goes along with raising a Pitbull. Unfortunately they’ve been stereotyped, people tend to fear and shy away from them, and so for the last four years we’ve basically been confined to our home. No one was willing to sit for us so we could go out of town overnight or for a few days. We couldn’t cart him with us everywhere the way we can Hound Dog because the city has bans on Pitbulls. We basically were tied to our house and dog. Now don’t get me wrong, I loved my boy, still love my boy, and wouldn’t change a moment I had with him, but is it wrong for me now to want a bit of freedom and catch my breath before we start doing this again? ((sigh)) I think I’m due a little time for myself.

Okay, so you know where all of this is going, right? I’m bellyaching, dragging my feet, and the old man is still going to wind up with a new puppy that I have to take care of. I know this because I’m more than familiar with how our relationship works, I know my husband, and I know he ALWAYS gets what he wants. Eh, I suppose if anything a new puppy would give me additional fodder for my blog. 

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10 Comments on ““How Much is that Doggy in the Window?””

  1. The Hook says:

    I’m glad you’re feeling better. Recovering from life’s sudden upheavals is a major challenge, but if you take things at your own pace, you’ll be fine.
    Good luck.

  2. Oh my Lou…having a puppy is indeed a lot of work, especially if you get another pit, they are the best dogs ever, but I do recall the stubborn puppy days, hell who am I kidding, they never really outgrow that part do they, part of the charm…can you maybe make your hubby understand that you need a bit of a break? Tell him you understand his part, but really, he has to know that you are healing in your own way too, men sometimes need a reminder that they are NOT the center of the world…just saying. I am glad you are back blogging miss, I sure did miss you…xoxox

    • Well we’re definitely going to get another Pit if we get one. I saw some online from a breeder in Kansas City who wanted $650, but after I explained why we were getting a puppy he dropped it to $500 for us. That was really nice, but even so I had to sit my husband down and really talk to him about it. After the expense of Sully’s doctor appointments, lab tests, xrays, medication, etc…which were outrageous and we just got done paying, I just don’t think it’s wise to spend additional money on a puppy right now. We need propane in our tank, we need to put some money into our bathroom, I NEED some time…anyway, I think I’ve got the notion on hold for right now.

  3. I bred, raised, trained and showed dogs for 35 years. One thing I learned is that people differ in how soon they can accept another dog into the household after losing a special pet. As much as you both have loved Sully, you might find choosing a different breed has the advantage of not reminding you so much of him, and also perhaps being easier to find dogsitters for in future. Maybe take some of this recovery time to research your options. I hope, whatever decision is made, your husband won’t go looking to buy a pup from the first litter he can find. All puppies are adorable, which makes impulse buying way, way too easy. Committing to a new pup happens in a moment; living with that decision, as you obviously realize, is a major long-term undertaking.

    • I think I have him talked into waiting. He’s been looking online at some really good looking dogs, but I told him we really can’t afford it right now, think we need to give ourselves time to heal, and I think we should wait till after winter so then I can have the Spring, Summer, whatever to train it inside and outside. And you are much more woman than me, because there is no way I could breed and train show dogs. Wow! That just takes a lot of dedication I don’t have.

  4. mairedubhtx says:

    My advice, although you didn’t ask, is wait a couple of weeks, then get a puppy. It will keep you busy and you’ll give your heart to a new little guy who will love you back with lots of love. That’s what I did when Spikey died. I wondered if it was too soon for another rescue, but it was just perfect. Ernie was just what I needed and filled a void in my heart. But you need a little time to grieve and recuperate.

    • I’ve got him talked into waiting so far.
      We bought a new puppy five years ago just a week after our first Chihuahua got killed. I was just devastated as he was my ‘little man’. For several days I just rocked in my chair and cried. Finally my husband got me up, told me we were taking a drive, and drove me straight to the breeder who we purchased our first, Angus, from. He told me I was a mommy without a puppy, and there was a puppy in there somewhere in need of a mommy. I found “Hound Dog” that day. The breeders actually tried to talk me out of buying him so soon, but we did anyway, and have loved him as much…just differently…ever since. It was a good choice for us. I don’t think it would be too soon for us to love, just to soon for me to cope.

  5. Aaaargh. Glad that you are getting your routine back.

    Winced in recognition. Smaller portion gets his way pretty much all the time here too. And, while you say (and I believe you) that you are not up to it, once the new puppy arrives you will have to be if you are not to be ankle deep in piddle and poop, surrounded by chewed objects. Sending LOTS of good wishes your way.

    • We’re going to hold off on the puppy thing for a while, I think. I’ve really been stressing to him how NOT-ready I am for this. I told him I really felt after the winter months were over it would be a better time. Well, at least I have him being agreeable for now.