‘Downsizing’ Doesn’t Necessarily Mean Loss

It’s been six days since I’ve posted, and almost as many since I read a blog. I’ve made myself downsize my computer time, sit outside and get some fresh air, and allow other things that command my attention take precedence. What I found is that I’m no worse for the wear because I did, and actually feel pretty good for having done it. What I also found is that I’ve grown so accustomed to spending ALL my free time on the computer, that it’s difficult for me to know how to get motivated doing anything else anymore. I literally have forgotten how to do other things.

One of these little projects I figured I’d now have time for, but found I could not seem to get the task underway, was cleaning up my son’s room. My son moved out the first week of August. You think it might be time? Duh! Now I could leave it as it is, shutting the door behind me and forever ignoring it, if it were not for one problem…this is also our only spare room. Our large, four bedroom farmhouse functions only as a two bedroom. The reason is that my husband insisted on turning one room into his ‘Smoke Room’ (don’t ask), done in orange and black, with leather love seat, mini-fridge, and his huge assortment of Harley shit and music. I can’t gripe too much, it got all that shit out of my living room years ago. Another, the very back room on the second floor, we started gutting, never got very far, and now use strictly for storage. So you see the spare room, the one my son used, could really come in handy for overnight guests. Okay, I’m lying. I need it for my shit! 

I have an excessive amount of clothes. No, don’t think of a closet and dresser crammed with shit. Think of two closets, three dressers, and one of those ‘I-bought-it-at-Target-and-hope-to-hell-it-will-hold-all-my-shit-temporary-wardrobes’ in the storage room. So when my teenage son moved back in with us after living at his fathers, I had to give up a dresser and closet space in said spare room where I stored a lot of my things, and seasonal shit found it’s way into numerous ‘space bags’. Well, now that my son has permanently moved out I thought I would empty these bags and put my stuff back where it had originally been. Know how far I got this weekend? Not very freaking far!

I know it’s because I’ve acquired this bad habit of putting my blog first, and assuming as long as the house appears outwardly clean, I can tackle the rest whenever I get to it. Problem is I NEVER get to it. And I find it’s gotten easier and easier to ignore, the longer I’m playing the procrastination game. Feel me? And my eyes have also been opened to the fact as I’ve noticed these jobs piling up on me that I have far too much shit. Good grief! How many clothes, antiques, and knick knacks does one woman need? You’d think I did without as a child or something. I have to tell ya, I found a little hilarity in this as I was dragging these bags to the room, because ninety percent of them are cold-weather clothes and I don’t even wear them. I shit you not, I absolutely LIVE in pajama’s! 

I have come to the conclusion that I absolutely must downsize. My common phrase at the bar was “A tidy bar is a happy bar”, as I forced coasters upon my customers. Yes, a lot of bikers used these as frisbee’s to let me know how they felt about them. You know…like being forced to use a coaster was a feminine act or something. Sheesh! And it’s not just my shit I need to downsize, but anything that is overwhelming me. This includes, but is not limited to, emails and subscriptions. I get notifications for everything about everyone, but there are only a handful that leave comments. As much as I hate to, I’m going to have to focus on those that have actually taken the time to get to know me, and/or have regular conversations with me, and let the rest of the subscriptions go. This doesn’t mean I don’t care. It just means that being forced to downsize I have to make some more of a priority then others. The rest will continue to have a home on my blog roll, and I will pay you a courtesy visit occasionally, but will no longer receive notifications of your posts. I wanted it to be clear as to why I’m doing what I’m doing, when you notice what I’ve done. I don’t want there to be any hard feelings. You can feel free to drop me also if you like. There will not be hard feelings on my end either. I’m more than aware how overwhelming it is. 

So this is Pissy’s post for today. She’s going to attempt to lighten her load. I say attempt, because that means I still have to get motivated in order to do that, and am not sure how long it’s going to take. I only know that the holidays are quickly approaching, with them comes increased madness, and it would be wonderful not to have so much on my plate for a change and actually be able to enjoy them for the first time in years. I didn’t realize till last night when I thought about it, that it’s been several years since I decorated for Christmas and even put up a tree. I believe since the Christmas before 2008 when I got my dui, Beth took her life, and I fell into this rollercoaster depression I haven’t been able to get off. It’s time for me to try and take my life back, find some peace within myself, and hopefully a little joy in the things I already have. More than time. 

Love you all…..

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20 Comments on “‘Downsizing’ Doesn’t Necessarily Mean Loss”

  1. It’s been 6 months since my last “Great Purge”. And I must say, it’s almost time for another one. I hate it. I was looking for my black turtle neck the other day until I remembered I had gotten rid of it—I only wore the damn thing twice a year. I also have a bad habit of shoving everything in a folder and forgetting about it. No motivation to go through all that crap. I must commend you for not blogging or reading a blog for 6 days. That’d be a tough one for me! Not sure what I’d do with myself…..probably chase butterflies or sit on the porch and pick my nose or something. 😉

    • Just hilarious! Nope, about the only thing I did for those six days was read my personal emails, and reply to comments that might have been left on my blog. I guess the only reason I even checked that was to get everyone’s reaction and see if I were the only one floating in this ‘boat’. I still haven’t begun to read other blogs. I’m trying to give myself time to figure out just how I’m gonna clean up this mess that I made. And I completely relate to the turtleneck thing, which is why I have a hard time getting rid of anything. I once kept an item of clothing for years because I loved it and felt it was a timeless piece. The problem is I couldn’t find shit to go with it, because the color and print was unique. Low and behold once I got rid of the damn thing, I found another piece of clothing that matched, and no longer had it anymore. Now I keep things till the moth’s carry it away in pieces. It’s terrible! I’m such a clothes whore. I say we all band and go on strike from our blogs for one day and do housework. Of course, how many of us are going to admit the truth if we don’t? Ha..ha..

  2. Renee Mason says:

    You’ve blogged several times recently about this sense of being overwhelmed by our blogosphere, just at a time when I can very much relate. My friends have been complaining lately that I’m not posting regularly. Well, of course not, I have 2 big dogs to walk, Weight Watchers, a workout 6 days a week, a household to run, and an impending nervous breakdown to manage! For the past 6 months, since my husband and my son declared all-out war, I haven’t exactly been feeling the funny. It’s hard to write about the humor in things when you’re sad. Like you, my son moved out this summer, and I also need to get that room reclaimed. Being pulled and tugged by the demands of a blog that started as such fun, is patently ridiculous., Here’s wishing all of us who want to take a break manage to do so and regain our sanity and equilibrium! Bless all our little pea-pickin hearts!

    • Renee, you know I think that’s why I’ve talked about it so much lately. I considered the possibility that if this was making me crazy, perhaps it was having the same affect on others. And as with many things we allow ourselves to ignore and maybe consider taboo subjects, I thought maybe no one wanted to be the first to talk about it. I guess I just wanted to open the door, make it a little easier for all of us, and document how I’m feeling and what I’m doing as I go. It really bothers me that I started this for fun, was enjoying myself so much, and that somewhere along the line I let it become an obligation that had to be met, and felt I would let others down if I didn’t post or read their blogs. WTF? Ya know…like I’m Stephen-fucking-King or something and in demand. Yeah…get off your damn high horse, Lou! I hope I sound like a broken record. I don’t wish how I’ve been feeling on anyone else.
      My home life sucks the big wienie too. Part of it I take responsibility for, and a lot of it is just shit that is completely beyond my control. I find myself constantly worrying over how to ‘fix’ people and situations in my life that I can really do nothing about, being constantly angry that they don’t give a shit themselves even though their actions are spilling ‘shit’ over onto me, and being so depressed that I have no desire to do anything, but still am forced to try and maintain a house, a marriage, relationships with my children and others, and all the little extra balls thrown at me while I’m doing this juggling act. I’ve been on the verge of just running away from home, from everyone, and everything. It had to come to an end before I did. I guess I just wanted to remind everyone that it’s more than okay to be human.
      I hope things start getting better for the both of us. For all of us. I think many of us are going through the same feelings of unhappiness and loss of control over things occurring in our lives, even if the situations may vary. I am just thankful that I do have so many of you in my life right now that understand, and can give me a hand-up when I need it. And I hope you know that I’m always here to give you one too. We sassy, blogging babes gotta stick together! 😉

  3. Jack Scott says:

    You’re not frightened of what you might find in there are you? Boys will be boys, after all. Seriously, clearing out the clutter and cobwebs (physically and metaphorically) can be a wonderfully cathartic experience. We had to do this when we upped sticks are relocated to a faraway land on a different continent. I too experienced death some years ago and I didn’t put up the Christmas decorations either for a few years. But, in the end, I did. I was glad of it. The hurt does fade leaving behind warm memories and a life to be lived.

    • Nah, I’m not frightened of what I might find. Ha..ha.. I think if there was any secrets to be kept, he probably took those with him. It’s just the room looks like a damn tornado went through it, he literally went through his clothes discarding the ones he didn’t want to take in every direction, and leaving odds and ends behind in drawers, on the dresser, in the closet, and hanging on the walls. I didn’t know one kid could have so much shit! And he took a bunch with him!!
      I’m definitely in a much better place than I was before concerning my bestfriend’s, suicide. I have my other bestfriend, Pandora Patty, and fellow bloggers to thank for that. I think I’m ready to start enjoying life again. I believe I’ve been punishing myself for her death since it occurred, and wasn’t willing to allow myself to live my life because she no longer had one. I’m doing much better in that department now, and making great strides in letting go of things I can’t change. I just have to keep my depression and anxiety at bay so it doesn’t overwhelm me and drag me back down.
      Maybe I should move to another continent. Ha..ha.. Is it possible to run away from home when you’re an adult? 😉

  4. You go girl!! I am with you on the whole thing, I actually just decided that tomorrow morning before I start getting my guest room set up for my parents to come and stay in at Christmas, that I am cleaning up my blog page on the blogs I love and the one that gives me all of my subscriptions, 50% of the ones I am subscribed to I never read, and it actually sometimes makes me miss the posts from the blogs I love to read. I am off of work now for the winter, so I know too well that I can totally get caught up in blogging way more than I should. I am going to get my projects all done around the Castle, walk every day with my wee dog, and maybe even…*GASP* meet a real boy…I am not holding my breath about that mind you, and I am ok without…but I need a damn life, and to get laid…and I ain’t getting it from blogging 🙂 I love you my friend, and I applaud your motivation and drive…I really mean it when I say you are an inspiration to me xoxoxoxo

    • Ah…see, that’s why you too are a keeper Donna. Nutty…err…great minds think alike. Ha..ha..
      Hey, you know what…people can poo-poo all they like about casual sex and the morality thing, but when I was single, independent, and just taking care of my bad-self whenever the animal urge needed met, my life was far more satisfying to me because it wasn’t complicated with a man full time. I made my own money, spent it the way I wanted, lived the life I chose, had the friends and social life that made me happy, and wasn’t troubled with constant depression or indecisiveness. Cutting through all the opinions on how-a-woman-should-act crap, how exactly can they judge that as a bad thing? Men have been doing it for years and no one says “boo” about it. WTF?
      I can’t speak for what works for anyone else, but as far as where I’m concerned I found myself in way over my head. I started blogging as a way to purge myself of pain and heal. The surprise was that I met some really cool people along the way that turned out to be good friends I think I’ll probably have forever. It broke the monotony in my life, was a nice distraction, but then began to take on a life of itself and took me over. There is an absolute HIGH involved with subscriptions and hits. The more the numbers rose, the more appreciated and liked I felt. The more I felt that way, the more I pushed myself and the less real life I had. God, I’m just sitting here shaking my head thinking about it. Crazy shit! And unfortunately something that no one wants to bring up, because well, it’s kinda embarrassing to admit. I just want to get to the point where I can post every day the way I once did, read blogs that interest me, and do so without the overwhelming clutter. It’s having to go through them all and figure out which ones to let go of which is hard. I love and appreciate everyone I have right now. Sucks to be me!

  5. Patricia says:

    Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do–go for it.

    • Thank you. Yeah, this blogging ride, and then life in general while you’re doing it, can take it’s toll on ya. I just need to find some sanity in my life. I don’t know about yours, or whether you’ve let it consume you yet, but word of advice…it’s not worth it if it has. Balance and moderation is the key.

  6. Spectra says:

    Bully for you! Well done! Oh, well, yes…you need to ‘downsize’, but thats okay. In my (not-so-humble) opinion, you had too many on your blog roll- how can you follow so many? Of course they are great! I follow someone for a few months, usually, before I “Blogroll” them.

    Anyway, I feel safe. I know I made the cut, because I need you to keep me in your loop. And I wait upon your transitions with loving patience. You know how I feel about you.

    • Ah, you knew you weren’t going anywhere. You, my nutty, fucking friend, are a keeper! 😉 Blogging wouldn’t be the same without my Spectra…doncha know.
      Okay, I just got this and the number you sent, but it’s after nine my time and I’m zonked tonight, so I’m going to figure out the time difference and will give you a jingle tomorrow night. Okie-Dokie? I’ll chill some beers and we can do cocktails over the phone. Yay! Cyber hugs. Love ya, Babe.

  7. I so understand where you are coming from. The blogosphere is sometimes an all consuming monster. And those of us with addictive personalities (like me) need to step back. And not sneak back into it either. We have two people living in a four bedroom house crammed with ‘stuff”. Serious downsizing is needed. Sigh.
    Visit and comment as you feel like. Essentially do what allows you to have a life and not an existence. Cyber hugs.

    • Well, I’m hoping to slow down a little, do some ‘weeding’ in my blog life and at home, so I can once again get back to blogging everyday and reading posts again. The only way to do that though is to get shit organized. I know I’m not going to sit on this thing all day anymore like I did before. It was making me crazy. And crazy is not something I need any help in, thank you very much. 😉

  8. I totally get this! It is soooo easy to do. I’m having the same problem myself. Thanks for lighting a fire under my ass. My closets are overtaking my house and my husband is tired of me just writing about it! Good luck and reward yourself with sharing a few stories on your blog.

    • That cracked me up, because I’m reminded of how often I write about doing something, then because I have I don’t have the time to do it. Too funny! Yeah, I definitely gotta make some changes. Just where to begin….?

  9. We accumulate so much in many areas of our lives — stuff that once was of significance to us but no longer is. Our blogging and internet time can easily get out of control, too. I think it’s reasonable to reorganize online priorities once in a while, and will understand if I don’t see you around the blogosphere as often. It sounds like you have lots planned for the next while! Happy decluttering. 🙂

    • Thanks Carol.
      Yeah, I finally made up my mind that I have to do something. I’ve noticed what’s begun to happen is that because I’ve gotten so overwhelmed by all the emails and everyone’s posts, I’ve stopped reading any of them. And I don’t want that. I want to be able to enjoy reading and writing again. My goal is to get things uncluttered so I can start writing everyday and reading posts for just a couple/few hours the way I once did. Just looking for a happy medium.

  10. mairedubhtx says:

    Good for you! You are getting your priorities in order. I don’t mind if you drop by occasionally. You do what you have to do. I hope this helps you straighten out your life. Love you.

    • Thanks, Hon. I know you mean that when you say it, and it comes from a sincere place. And I really appreciate you being so understanding and willing to step aside to make room. The fact is though that there are still many of you that I do visit with often online that will still be a part of my incoming mail. And it’s not about picking favorites. It’s just that if I want to downsize, I’d rather it be to those that I have made personal connections with, and well…you’re one of them. God, I know that sounds petty and I don’t mean for it to, but I guess it’s no different than having acquaintances you visit with often, but having to limit your guest list to only close friends when special events arise. That’s how I’m trying to look at it anyway so that I don’t feel so bad for having to do this. I suppose this kind of thing just comes with the territory when you’ve been blogging for a while and have acquired more than a handful of subscriptions/subscribers. I just wish it were easier to do.