Life With Bon: Day 5

Anyone got a Valium. A-n-y-o-n-e? 

To say I am tired is like soooooo inaccurate. There are places on my body that ache that I wasn’t even aware were there. Previous injuries I’ve had to my neck, back, ankles, wrists; these slight pains I always deal with are aggravated and like healing wounds reopened. This is life with our new puppy. 

He finally sleeps. I’m finding myself doing this at intervals this morning when he does. It’s not that he doesn’t sleep, or even that he doesn’t do it often, because he does; It’s that he only does it for fifteen minutes at a time! Is this freaking normal, or is he a Hell-Dog?

The Old Man and I made an agreement before getting a new dog that THIS TIME he was going to actually participate in raising/training him. Know what? HE LIED! He is finding the most ingenius ways to get out of dealing with the hard part.

(Yeah….see….the little monster is awake again. What’d I tell ya!)

Where was I? Oh yeah…..

We made the agreement that this time he was going to help raise/train the new puppy. The reason we made this agreement, and I stressed this requirement before purchasing a puppy, is because the last time (Sully) he did na-da! No r-e-a-l-l-y… NA-DA! We got Sully in September of that year. He was a BIG puppy and grew by leaps and bounds. I spent all my time chasing him, on my knees playing with him on the floor, bending over taking things away from him and cleaning up his mess; continually picking him up and taking him out when he got in trouble. I have a bad back. It started acting up. The Old Man only wanted to play with Sully for a bit when he got home, but didn’t want the tedious task that comes with consistent training. I started complaining. He did less. I threw my back completely out and was laid up with a pinched Sciatica nerve by the first week of December. I shit you not when I tell you I was laid up for several months. No exaggeration! I found out a pinched Sciactica can range from slightly painful, to completely debilitating where you can’t move out of a certain position or it will cause excruciating, unbearable pain. I’ve had three children–two that were over eight pounds–with nothing for pain other than a local. I know pain people and can handle it. I’d rather give birth than deal with that shit again! So knowing this now you can understand why I was so adamant about his helping me this time. Yeah….uh-huh…

I’d forgotten…let me stress this word FORGOTTEN…what this was like. My husband, on the other hand, has never known what it’s like, so because he’s none the wiser has no idea why I’m tired. Really? You see, when he gets home he takes the puppy for a walk down the l-o-n-g drive to check the mail, then through the l-a-r-g-e backyard to visit with Sully for a bit, lets him chase around the cats for a while, so by the time he gets in the house the puppy is pooped and lays down. Quite the little angel…

The Old Man and Bon out back hanging out with Sully.
You have to love that face. I have no idea if that's his tongue or a leaf jutting from between his lips.
Jitter Kitty grooming Bon
Close up of Jitter Kitty. He seems to 'father' all the animals although he's the same age.

Once inside, with the puppy sleeping, the Old Man eats his dinner then sits at the computer. The puppy wakes. Well, the Old Man is busy so I take him out. Bring him back in, yell at the Old Man to spend time with him, he sits on the floor for a bit, wears him out, the puppy gets pooped, lays down to nap for a few, and the Old Man gets back on the computer or begins something else that distracts him. When the puppy wakes he’ll get up, take him out, then guess who he hands him to because he’s busy with something? I might add the puppy is a performer and creates the facade that he’s a ‘good’ little puppy in the evening. I don’t know if the bastard is smart and wants to make me look bad, or because he’s just plum tuckered out from driving me nuts all day. Whereas he understands completely what his appropriate toys to play with and chew are in the evening….

These are some of Bon's 'appropriate to chew' toys.

and only occasionally picks up something else…

He'd rather chew this (cellophane he found).

This is what he chews when he’s alone with me.

The leg of my pajamas.
The bottom of my robe.
My robe sash.

And in case anyone is confused to how much damage that can do, you have to see how aggressive he is with his rope.

He's vicious!
Imagine what these razor sharp, baby teeth, are doing to my clothing, throw pillows, blankets, etc.

Far from the little ‘sweetie’, huh?

And of course that is the least of it, because training him is a chore in itself. The moment I let him out to do his job cats come from every direction and distract him from his work.

Every time I open the door this is what greets me. There are actually five cats on the property. Aren't cats supposed to be standoffish? What the hell went wrong with ours?
Two of the worst cats in the world: Sneakers and Boo.

Of course, I really don’t know what’s worse…cleaning up piss or dealing with cats that molest you every time you walk out the door and try to climb your clothes with their claws. Him tearing up everything and anything, or the annoying sound of his squeek toy (appropriate) that he’s learning to compose music with. This reminds me of when my older sister and brother-in-law bought my first child (Jud) one of those toys that you push across the floor and it ‘pops. They gave it to him and had this almost maniacal laugh spill forth as they walked out the door. I was soon to learn why. The fucking toy is a nightmare and my son popped the shit out of it! Way to pay me back for being a brat when I was little. 

Anyway, Pissy is getting through it cause she’s one tough pussy, but I have a feeling this one is going to leave some battle scars. I haven’t figured out yet if he’s just worse than Sully was, or I’m just older and not quite as capable of handling him as I did the other. The Old Man, of course, is oblivious to this. Last night he snapped this picture of me and the boys doing what he called ‘bonding’.

My husband thought me and the boys looked cute so he took this. No...this is me absolutely exhausted and the only way to relax is to make them lay with me.

His assumption wasn’t quite accurate.

Again….Anyone have a V-A-L-I-U-M?

23 thoughts on “Life With Bon: Day 5

  1. Hey! I missed all of this action and excitement this week!!! A new Puppers?! How utterly splendid. I predict you’ll be about 6 feet under by Halloween, but hey, it’s good timing. You can haunt your house, barn, and of course, the garage. The Old Man will never get away from you then! HA!

    (I’ve been busy turning over my lawn/reseeding and redoing dining room. No blogging ideas there, no computer time, either!)

    1. Eh, I’ve been slacking on the blogging too. I finally put out a post today, but have been preoccupied with other things.
      Yep, we have a new puppy, and he’s finally starting to pick up the ‘need to go to the door to go potty’ thing, so I’m hopeful he’ll be quick to be housebroke.
      Sounds like you’ve been busy too.

  2. Oh man, I can’t help but laugh. I hate to say, but you would think after raising children and animals you would learn that ‘Aww’ comes at a price — a big steaming pile of poop every morning following a sleepless night.

    1. That about sums it up, too. Unfortunately, it was bound to happen, the little guy makes the Old Man very happy, so I’m just going with the flow as best I can. I’d rather clean up the steaming piles of poo then watch the Old Man in misery everyday, so…

  3. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA…. oh my god woman you crack me up. I can’t believe you let him talk you into the puppy…it is like having a baby !!! What were you thinking? But damn it, he is cute, and the part about the cats attacking on exit of your house nearly made me cry laughing. It’s good blog fodder baby…the pics are all awesome 🙂

    1. Yeah, these animals are going to be the death of me. I literally have to ‘kick’ cats out of my way when I walk to the mailbox because they move right in front of me to get my attention. The puppy is making the hubby happy though, so it’s better than watching his chin drag on the ground. And the little guy is actually starting to show signs that he may be trained early. 🙂

  4. We’re on day 10 of our new puppy. I feel your pain…well, sort of since my own back issues are in no way debilitating. I am the one who is at home, so I get to spend the most time training the little lad. Thankfully, he’s been a really easy puppy to train so far–he does have instances where we call him Spasticola instead of Stevie, but hey, it’s all good so far. Good luck with your new fuzzy addition. The bonus is, hopefully they’ll bond with US–the women! Man’s best friend–HA! 😉

    1. He’s doing really well too. I’m so thankful. It’s definitely hard on the nerves and back.
      Yeah, he was starting to attach to me, but the Old Man had him a lot this past weekend, so they’ve finally began to bond. He’s just so damn cute you can’t help but hug him. Umm..the dog I mean. Ha..ha..

  5. Feeling for you big time. They are super cute, BUT THEY HAVE TO BE. If they were one teeny iota less cute and did a fraction of the things they do, it would be curtains. And speaking of curtains – the German Shepherd we had when I was growing up, ate the lounge room curtains. Overnight. And it gave her indigestion so she vomited everywhere too.

    1. Ewww….. that’s far worse than I’ve had to deal with. Although I remember Sully had a habit of eating things and then they would miraculously reappear outside again. I always wondered if the cats cleaned up the rest. 😦

  6. Great post! After we lost our lab to cancer a number of years ago, I insisted on a moratorium of at least 2 years before jumping back in. After HALF a year ;( my family convinced me (read: tied me up and forced me to submit) to bring home a new puppy. We decided on a Portuguese Water Dog because my wife is quite allergic to dogs actually. What a crazy whirl of energy PWD’s are! That little guy stole 6 months of sanity from us and nearly brought down our Xmas tree his first night with us. Anyhow, hang in there, it gets better. Maybe 😉

    1. Thanks. Yeah, he’s doing okay, but then I’ve been sticking to him like glue making sure he does what I tell him too. You can’t slack for one moment on a puppy, for if you do they will run the house! Ha..ha..

  7. I have a Vicadin! Not the same as a Valium…but maybe close enough? I must say, your puppy resembles my Cat From Hell’s behavior. The clawing, the biting, the sneakiness…Blah. I hope you get some sleep soon before you snap and the Old Man is at the end of it! …or maybe… Muahahaha.

    1. Vicadin will do. I’m flexible! Ha..ha..
      I’m learning to take v-e-r-y deep breaths before reacting to anything. One fortunate thing, the puppy is only waking up once a night now. I guess the kennel the second night he woke up repeatedly taught him to get some rest the way we do. I can handle only getting up once. Now we all sleep peacefully on the queen. And he’s so cute. He’s already waking me up by licking (or trying to eat) my face.
      By the way, that laugh at the end of your comment sounds a bit like the maniacal one my sister and brother-in-law had with the popping toy.

      1. Hahaha well I am glad he is finally sleeping through the night! Yay for small favors! And there’s not a greater alarm clock than puppy breath and saliva. =) I have two laughs. One is the Muahahaha laugh which is indeed the maniacal laugh that people use when they know what is to come… And the other is the Bahahahahaha which is a bit more subtle but generally means I’m laughing at some slight disturbance in the universe…or when I’m being sarcastic. 😉

  8. Didn’t have the heart to tell you sooner, but my nine-year-old pound puppy (who is half lab), didn’t show any sign of leaving puppyhood behind until after her fifth birthday. Her favorite toy was any available tube of lipstick (she had a preference for red!), and one day she ate the entire carpet and baseboards in the master bath while we were at work. Please keep those adorable photos coming, though.

    1. Now you tell me how horrible they are!
      No, honestly it wouldn’t have mattered, I did know to expect a lot, and am glad we got him in spite of his misdirected energy. I was complaining to the Old Man last night and this morning that he’s doing the same thing to me that Sully did…he lies across my legs when I’m on the couch or in bed. I mean, all night! He said it’s because I’ve already ruined him the way I did Sully, and they’re both tit-babies. I know…whatever! I must admit, even though he’s a brat, he must already know me as momma, cause the minute I leave the room unannounced he starts wimpering. Kind of flattering, huh?
      And I know what you mean about tearing shit up. We made the mistake of leaving Sully home alone when he was still a puppy before we purchased his kennel, and holy shit…you should’ve seen the mess we came home to! I mean he drug trash from the kitchen and bathroom to the living room, after he destroyed it. It looked like a war had taken place. You learn quick with large dogs what to do and not to do.

  9. I think the humane society should frame a copy of your post or publish it in the Puppies for Sale column in newspapers, for potential puppy buyers to see that it’s not all sweet puppy breath and cute photos. I’m laughing, but kind of in sympathy.

    As a long time dog breeder and owner of more puppies than I care to count, I tell people that acquiring a puppy is worse than having a baby… new babies don’t have razor-sharp teeth and they can’t run around! And unfortunately a Lab’s body grows much faster than its brain, so they are puppies mentally for a *very* long time… until they are 3 – 5 years old. In fact, some never grow up, and they are always energetic. But they’re wonderful loving companions and I wouldn’t trade ours for anything. Our current one is 90 lbs. and almost six years old.

    We’ve always had an exercise pen in the corner of the kitchen while our pups were new. I brought the pup out for supervised play times and lots of cuddles, of course, but it saved my sanity. We could see each other and I talked to him lots, but it kept him from chewing on things he wasn’t suppose to have, and kept accidental piddles in an easily cleanable spot, too.

    1. Ours is going to be very big. I have no doubt. I didn’t realize it till we got him home, but his birthday is September 7th, which makes him just seven weeks old today, and he’s already huge! Way to get rid of the annoying puppies while they’re still little.
      I’m so glad there is someone else that gets how hard this is. Don’t get me wrong, I just love him already, but he is a lot of work. My husband has no idea. I could keep him in the kitchen where there’s no carpeting, but if I did with the way my house is set up he wouldn’t be able to see me in the living room. Instead, I’m just training him the way I did Sully: Stay right on top of it. Don’t put anything (unless it might hurt him) up and out of reach, but rather teach him from the beginning not to mess with it. Catch him the moment he starts to pee, and get him to the door. If he does have mishaps I take him outside, then put him in the kennel for a few minutes for a time out. May sound cruel, because he cries like crazy, but he doesn’t like it and it will teach him when he does it that’s what’s going to happen. Just a lot of work and I’m pooped! But the puppy breath is wonderful…I can’t lie.

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