Our ‘krazy’ Kellar Klan!

I think the Old Man felt bad this morning, which is why I woke up to a pot of coffee going. He doesn’t drink the stuff. Oh, he’ll drink  Jack Daniels whiskey straight from the bottle, but coffee tastes horrible. WTF, right? Anyway, he used to make my coffee all the time, but then went on strike when I stopped making him freaking five course breakfast’s on Sunday morning, so it’s been a while. Last night though he really pissed me off when he got mad at my little angel (Bronagh) for wetting on the floor. He only came unglued, because I expected him to clean it up. Heeeey…I do it all the time, remember? So I made it clear he could sleep on the couch, and took my darlings to bed with me. It was just as well. He ate spaghetti for dinner, and well let’s just say sometimes it smells a lot better on the plate than it does after it’s eaten. Capiche? This morning I woke up to coffee in the pot, so I’d say it was a win for me, right?

I got to see a lot of my family Saturday afternoon, so the weekend was wonderful  for me. My oldest sister, Nancy, was throwing her husband, Red, an 80th birthday party. Don’t let that number fool ya. He’s no more an adult than I am. No, seriously. He can’t keep a straight face, and is always ‘cracking’ someone up with his jokes. Anyway, it gave me a chance to spend time with all my siblings and a few family members that I haven’t seen in a long while, and I don’t remember the last time ‘all’ of us were able to get together. Schedules are iffy, at best.

Red coming through the door. SURPRISE!!!

Sadly, not everyone that was supposed to turn out for this shin-dig showed. There are ALOT  of women in our family…me and my sisters, our daughters, their daughters, etc…and well, for the most part we’re a bunch of petty bitches. Everyone is in everyone else’s business, hates one another, loves one another, and blah, blah, blah. Nerve wracking, and explains why I keep to myself in the country, huh? So, ya know…never mind what we’re supposed to be there for. Let’s just be pissy and not show up cause we’re mad about something stupid the other did–that I might add they’ll get over in no time at all–and miss an important milestone like this. Our family is weird in the way that we can fight to the death amongst ourselves, but God help the person that comes in from the outside to stir up trouble, because then you have all of us putting aside our differences and turning our brooms on them. This might explain why when I told my husband we had this thing to go to he adamantly declined.

Old Man:  “I’m not going. You and Nadine can go and I’ll hang out over at her house with Dale.” (her husband). My brother-in-law has been in our family since he met my sister at 16 (I was 3 years old, which’ll give you a clue as to how long that’s been), has had more than enough of the ‘pettiness’ in our family, and refuses to go to a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g!

Me:  “You have to go! This is Red’s 80th birthday party.” I pleaded. “How many more opportunities do you think we’re going to have to get together?”

Old Man:  “I’m not going. You can go without me.”

Me:  “But…whyyyy?” I drug out the question in a pleading manner, with my puppiest of puppy-dog eyes as emphasis. 

Old Man:  He looked at me with an incredulous expression. “You gotta ask? You all break out your buck knifes and sharpening stones (he begins gesturing the motion with his arms of sharpening a blade), and sit there looking around and asking, “Alright, which one of you motherfuckers screwed up?” and then all of you pounce on him. Umm….no thanks!”

Okay…((chuckle))…he’s about accurate. You’d know our family at a restaurant, because there would be a herd of cackling females using their hands to exaggerate when they speak, and spouses that spend a lot of their time looking to their wives to see how they ‘should’ be acting. No…I’m just kidding! Ha..ha.. Okay, maybe I’m not.

Well, so to make a v-e-r-y long story shorter, he took Nadine and I over there, his truck then refused to start back up in the parking lot (kinda serves him right for being a chicken shit), and he spent nearly as much time outside trying to get it running so he could leave, as we did inside enjoying ourselves. Eh, who knows? Maybe we put a curse on him. 

I took my camera, had fully intended to get a bunch of pictures, but stupid me forgot to charge my battery before I left and it conked out after just a handful. I did manage to get a few of what’s left of our immediate family though. (My brother Allyn has been missing and his disappearance considered a homicide, since March of 1986. Both our parents have also passed, so it’s now just the five of us. 

Youngest to Oldest...L to R: Me, Linda, Albert (junior), Nadine, and Nancy.

By the way….little FYI: Just because a blouse looks great hanging up, doesn’t mean it’s going to look good hanging on you. No one…NO ONE!…bothered to tell me that I looked ‘knocked-up’ in this shirt. Nice, huh? ((groan)) Pics don’t lie though…do they?

Here’s a couple more, which will also explain why my brother, Junior, is best-friends with my brother-in-law, Red. Neither of them EVER act like adults. 

My brother junior deserves me posting these pics. See what we have to put up with? Ha..ha..

And yet another one! He's the comedian in the family....can you tell? I know...that blouse didn't flatter me a bit did it? No, I'm not pregnant!

Best friends: My brother junior (sitting), and the birthday boy, 80 years young, my brother-in-law, Red (standing). I call Red, 'Redballs'. Can't remember how that got started. I think because he calls me 'Louballs'. Yeah, my family are a bunch of whackjobs.

L to R: Sisters, Linda and Nadine.

Funny thing about my family…for years there were always a couple of us that got along with a couple other ones, but for the most part we spent a lot of time picking away at what we thought were the ‘others’ flaws. (Well, everyone except Nadine, who we joke is a saint. She hates that by the way, and says she’s far from a saint. Pssst…she is too! Compared to the rest of us anyway.) I think it had to do with the fact that we are all so very different and had difficulty accepting choices the others made for their lives. Especially mine and Allyn’s choices. Black sheep come to mind. All that changed after my mother, then my father passed. I think we finally realized for the first time that we no longer had a reason to get together or be a family without our folks, and well….we found one. We actually love one another. Who woulda thought? I just know that I’m in a much better place today with my siblings than I ever was. Maybe part of it was finally ‘accepting’ who I am as an individual and not being willing to feel ‘pressured’ to be anyone else. Maybe also because I realized how important it was for them to be who they are too. I don’t know. I just know whatever was ‘broken’ between us has slowly begun to repair itself, and I feel more than fortunate that I was able to find my family again. I do, after all, have one ‘helluva’ great family. 🙂

I hope all of you had a great weekend too!

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19 Comments on “Our ‘krazy’ Kellar Klan!”

  1. You’re hilarious… I enjoyed reading this

  2. Spectra says:

    I know family gatherings are usualy bad….but when I lived out west, away from home, I couldn’t wait to come back. Thankksgiving, and Christmas were the best, and I missed not getting back. Then one day, I moved home. It snowed. My mother threatened to throw wine on my head over turkey (thanksgiving) and I walked home in the snow, wet hair, no coat. I soon wondered, what was it I was missing? Yes, holidays are good in my family, but the mesage soon became, screw you for showing up. Ouch!

  3. Another comment haha. I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award…because well you’re blog is awesome. I get cranky if i don’t get to read at least one of your posts a day 😉 I just wanted you to know that I like your posts and your insight about things are funny and down to earth. I definately wanted your blog to be recognized to all my readers. =)

    • Well, thank you for the pat on the back. It’s well appreciated.
      I hope you won’t be too disappointed when I tell you that I don’t participate in the Versatile Blogger Award. It’s nice to be thought of that way, but I’m just really into my readers and love for writing more than anything else. But knowing you thought of me means the world to me. Really, it does. 🙂

  4. daisyfae says:

    my ex husband didn’t attend any of my family functions for the last 5 years we were married – and none of ’em noticed! ha! i was divorced 6 months before i told any of them… and they had never asked. funny how families work sometimes…

    but i can hear the love in your words. and i get it. i really get it…

    happy b-day Red!

    • You know something funny, I don’t attend any of my current husband’s family functions, and I don’t think they notice either. Oh silly me, I know why…we don’t really ‘mesh’ well. Ha..ha.. My husband told me he doesn’t care if some of them don’t accept me or not. He does, and he says that’s all that matters to him. Me too! Aw..fuck em’ anyway, right? At least my family is humorous, goes out of their way to make strangers feel welcome, and can take a damn joke. Hooray for the whacked-out Kellar’s!!

  5. Awww…glad you had fun!

  6. Renee Mason says:

    This has the ring of a Thanksgiving dinner dress rehearsal; glad you had fun.

  7. Wow. Full-on as usual. My family covers a fair age range too. My eldest brother is twelve years older, and has always acted like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. He finds his sister a bit flippant and not as serious as she should be. Can’t understand that.
    I’m glad that you got to go to the birthday party, and to realise that you love your family (however much they drive you up the wall). Hugs

    • PS: Somedays I think my smaller portion would rather gnaw his own legs off than go to one of our family gatherings.

      • I agree with the smaller portion in that aspect. I would rather chew off my own arm than attend the Old Man’s family events. His family and mine are like night and day different. Which means mine is interesting and loveable. Ha..ha..

    • My oldest sister is fifteen years older than I am. The youngest, other than myself, is nine years older. Yeah…I was a big ‘surprise’ when I came along. I know about diverse families. None of us are really alike in mine. That’s okay though. Difference is the flavor that makes things more interesting.

  8. This was a very informative post! Your family sounds a lot like mine. Your “Redballs” is my “Woody.” Haha. And we both have sisters named Nadine. =)

    • Too cool! Oh, I love my ‘Nadine’. I don’t know about yours, but ours is just about the most wonderful person you could ever imagine. She sees the positive in everything and the good in everyone. Just a real blessing. And Redballs….there’s just no words to describe him. Ha..ha..