A Chip Off The ‘Ol Mickey’!

I thought perhaps this blog needed a new post, since the last left everyone hanging as to how I’m managing my med withdrawals. The horror must be in taking the meds themselves, because once I started tapering down I felt much better, not worse; no ill side-effects. And although the pharmacist recommended that I take a full, two weeks to get off of them (since I was on the highest dosage allowed), I did jump the gun a bit and allowed myself only a little over a week. I’m happy to now say I’m completely off the damn, soul-spirit-mind stealing drugs. Good, freaking riddance! I wish I could say I feel 100%, but alas…I don’t think I even know what that means. It just is what it is, I am who I am, and unfortunately my normal is probably never going to be the definition of actual normal. I do know I’m back to being the best that I can be though. Know how I know? Well…the bitch is back. 

Yes, that is what I am, and dare I say that I’m back to taking charge round the ol’ hovel, taking names for my shit list, and taking few prisoners. Once the meds started wearing off and I regained my mental faculties back, I found myself looking around, narrowed my eyes on the Old Man, and said, “Oh, hell noooo, pal! You didn’t think you were going to get away with this forever, did ya?” I reckon myself to a wasp nest that’s been slumbering for the last year, while the Old Man has been teasing it with a stick. Time to come out and play with the big, bad man who wields the wood. Like most men who can take advantage of a situation, he will…and did, so now I’m calling him on it. I don’t feel so broken anymore. He’s been ignoring my needs and the needs of our home, and frankly, I think he’s got some s’plaining to do. In an odd twist, I’ve noticed this last week he’s been in a much better mood while kissing my ass and making repairs to the house, so I have to wonder if he’s happier living with the bitch. Things that make you go hmmm….

I guess I’m just a chip off the ol’ Mickey in that way. (That being my mother’s nickname she picked up as a country western singer. Her real name was Gladys, but she said it put a bad taste in her mouth after being tormented as a child with names like ‘Glad-ass’ and ‘Happy-bottom’, so Mickey it became and stayed.) My mom was the first, self-proclaimed bitch I ever met, and she wore the tag well. There were movers and shakers, and then there was, well…my mom. With her high-pitched yell that set teeth on edge, and her nails-dragging-on-chalkboard nagging, she got shit done when she wanted it, baby. And hell hath no fury like a ‘Mickey’ scorned. Mom had no problem slapping the smug smile right off of a face. That being not just limited to us children, but includes the bullying, neighbor lady, with the foul mouth who thought herself brave enough to cuss Mom out. ((shudder)) Silly lady, tricks are for kids! Yep, she was one helluva woman, and I doubt there is anyone who knew her who’d say different. She was incredibly beautiful, gifted, and ballsy; generous to a fault, and never failed at standing up for friends or family. (She literally went to my junior high with the intention of smacking around one of my male teachers who had manhandled me, and only by an act of God was he fortunate enough to be out that day and it be the end of the year so mom had time to cool off over summer vacation.)  And although she suffered depression and mood swings that could make the most rational person dealing with it lose their mind, it was forgiven her, because it was considered part of the total package. And aren’t most creative, gifted people a bit eccentric and nuts, anyway? Ever met one who wasn’t? I guess that’s reason enough to cut myself some slack too. 🙂 Tooting the old, Pissy horn again, aren’t I?

Mom’s birthday was Sunday. She would’ve been 87. Sadly, she passed away in 1988 and wasn’t here to celebrate it with us. Her memory is ever-present though. She was unconventional and stood out from the crowd. The kind of woman that women-folk would whisper about under their breath, because of her foul mouth, try-everything, and fear-nothing attitude. The kind of woman that other women wish they had the guts to be. The kind of woman that I’m proud to say she wanted me to be.  And I am trying. The depression eventually got the best of her and she found herself weak and succumbing to it. I guess that length of her footsteps I don’t care to follow. Nor would she want me to. The real difference between my mother and I is I now live in a world where depression is recognized as such and not just considered an ’emotional spell’. This knowledge might’ve saved her too, and many others like her had it been available then. I intend to make use of it. So anyway, “Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you and miss you, and hope I’m still doing you proud.”

Well, that’s Pissy’s post for today. I still have my head above water and am sucking in every breath I can muster. Things are much better than they were, but hopefully not nearly as good as they’re gonna get. I’m optimistic, anyway. Hope all is going good for you as well. Kick up a little sand in the litter box and raise some hell. I promise it’s good for the soul. 😉

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10 Comments on “A Chip Off The ‘Ol Mickey’!”

  1. Carol says:

    Welcome back! Nice to see the real you emerging again. 🙂

    Other than a few sleeping pills during a bad time many years ago, and occasional Tylenol or Arthrotec for some arthritis, I haven’t been one to like taking meds. Even Tylenol taken regularly seems to muddy my mind and I don’t like the sensation, so I’ve opted in favour of being able to think.

    I’m looking forward to hearing that you’ve tackled your driving test again. I know you can do it. You just have to be determined. And you’d better be posting a photo of it afterwards so we can all celebrate with you! 🙂

    • Hi Carol. 🙂
      Oh, I can’t tell you how much better I feel. Truly like a brand new person. That doesn’t mean that all the problems in my life are gone (in a perfect world), but the way I feel about things and deal with them are better. Unfortunately, I don’t have the aid of the meds now to dull the senses so my emotions are ‘heightened’. I’m doing alright though. Just figuring it out as I go along.
      I made another appointment for my driving test, but the soonest they could get me in was Saturday the 14th. Kristy is going to take me so I’ll get a pic of both of us with my new license WHEN (not if) it’s issued. YaY! Just keeping my fingers crossed that I can get through this with no panic attacks. I really think it was more the meds than anything else, before. Say a prayer for me anyway, will ya? 😉

  2. daisyfae says:

    glad you’re digging out! sometimes the docs don’t really know what they’re doing… learning to live with yourself as you are is a good deal! and your Momma sounds like quite the role model…

    • Yeah, she was quite the role model alright. She made me crazy as hell growing up with her mood swings–and to this day I believe if she’d been diagnosed they would’ve considered her bi-polar–but she also instilled in me some very positive traits. She taught me if I thought I was right to never bend and allow myself to be convinced otherwise. She always said she hated thieves and liars, and to this day honesty is incredibly important to me. She taught me to have guts and stand up for myself, and I still feel getting my ass kicked is better than taking a lot of shit off someone. She was crazy as a loon at times, but I realize now it was just her creative side coming unhinged because she couldn’t unleash it (she was a self-taught musician and singer). I guess the word that best sums her up is ‘colorful’. She was definitely that.

  3. beccajean73 says:

    HaHa….I’m liking this side of you gal! You truly do sound like me…maybe we are soul sisters. Looking forward to more posts and believe me I’m gonna kick some sand up….just for you!

    • Good girl. You kick that damn sand up! If you were closer I’d let you shit in my litterbox and we’d kick it up together. Pissy knows how to share. 🙂
      Yes, I’m doing much better. I’ve decided no more prescription meds for me. Not unless I’m completely down and out desperate. Right now I’m just trying to get some normalcy back in my life and am embracing the fact I can think with a clear head again. Soon I need to get my ass motivated, get back up to the dmv and take my driving test, so hopefully I can get my wheels on the road again. Not quite sure where or how far they may take me, but I can guarantee you I won’t be sitting home on my thumbs anymore. I’ve let my life be controlled for way too long. All work and no play makes Pissy a dull girl, doncha know!
      I’m hoping that you’re loving blogging so far. It’s a great way to get to know people from every corner of the world. And the wonderful thing is you can sit in the comfort of your home and yet you’re never alone. Knowing that loneliness breeds depression, that’s a plus. Hope things are going great for you on your end, Hon.

  4. Spectra says:

    Medical science is nice as a research tool, but there are areas where they seem to think we are all a bunch of ducks in their pill-shooting galleries. I hate them for this.

    Glad to see you are getting some writing done and feel more real, more you, again. I haven’t been feeling clever or sharp or on my game in quite some time, enough to write – but then I have been making art again for the first time in several years. I guess my cramped little brain only supports one channel.

    Let us hope this spring brings light and fresh air and good renewed feelings into our lives in the coming weeks. Well, there’s that, and being grateful…for whatever we can tell ourselves we have to be grateful about. I was watching Dr. Wayne Dyer on PBS last night, his new program on wishes. Very inspiring, as always. And gave me a shot of faith-adrenulin to try and shift my thinking upwards. Maybe moods will follow, like doves in flight…

    • I’m glad your artistic side is coming out again, but make no mistake there’s not a damn thing wrong with your writing either. You’re definitely as clever as ever, and sharp as a tack. I can’t speak for your desire to write though, which had been my problem. Unfortunately the meds left me with little in the way of inspiration. And as we well know, when the desire to do anything is gone every step forward becomes an uphill battle. I’m finally starting to push my way past that and am beginning to enjoy life again. In my case, the meds were a definite ‘happy-zapper’.
      You got my number if you need me. There’s no sense in going it alone if you don’t have to (I know I’m one to talk, right?). Don’t wait till your knee-deep in quicksand, doll. Use it! God knows I never hesitate to do some drunk-calling to you. Ha..ha.. Love ya! 🙂

      • Spectra says:

        Oh, thanks PK…this has gone on for awhile now, lacking inspiration and motivation. But I have done a lot of miniature art, and am making miniature dolls. It’s just taking a long time. I’ll be posting things when I get them finaly pulled together and dressed… My brain just can’t seem to form writerly ideas. I guess it’s a block, but a lack of ideas…that’s recent. I’m surprised meds that are supposed to bunt-kick people out of depression often only make it worse. Causing suicidal thoughts is now on most TV ad disclaimers. That’s f’d up. It’s like taking a pill for your kidneys that causes kidney failure.

        And raging hormones are no joke. Let us know how the natural supplements help out. Hang in there, woman!