Today is the beginning of the end. Today I’ve decided it is absolutely time to let go of the old. Time to stop chasing ghosts. Time to smile again. I must be healing some because the desire to do so is at least there, and it’s no longer taking me months and years, instead of days and weeks to recover from the vicious blows that life/fate keeps hitting me with. I am certain of one thing; you can only fix what’s repairable. You can’t repair death. That’s a ‘broken’ that can’t be fixed no matter what you do. When someone or something is gone…well, they/it are gone. Done. Over with. Finished! I should know this. I’ve lost a brother, both of my parents, a best friend, and many other friends and family members. Not a one of them were able to come back, no matter how hard I cried, how much I punished myself, or how much I wished it to be so. Death is that permanent. I need to start putting my energy into the living. The ones that need it, are still struggling, and can really use my empathy and time. I’ve been dragging around way too many carcasses that are beyond my help now.
I received some wonderful feedback from my last post, and I am taking it to heart. I went on Amazon and purchased a few books: “The Secret” and “The Secret Gratitude Book” by Rhonda Byrne, and also “The Pilgrimage” by Paulo Coelho, at the recommendation of some blogger buddies. There’s also a couple others that were mentioned I’m going to look into. I love to read, to feed my mind with information, so I think this will be good for me. Anyway, I want to thank all of you for coming to my assistance. Your tips and advice were very helpful.
Both of my boys birthdays were this weekend. The youngest turned 18 on Friday. (His father and I are ecstatic that we no longer are held responsible if he screws up in any way. I think our exact words that we exchanged over the phone were “Happy Birthday to us!”) My oldest, Jud, (The one currently sitting in the joint) turned 27 on Saturday. Yep, we used to be a houseful of Scorpios. Three Scorpios and my daughter the Virgo. Yikes! Anyway, the youngest was too busy to spend time with mom cause he ‘has a life’ ya know, but I did get out to see Jud on Saturday and the visit was wonderful. He looks great, seems to be getting his head on straight, and talks of trying to get into college when he gets out. This kid has a brilliant damn mind–I shit you not! He reads everything he can get his hands on: Philosophy, History of the World, Astrology, etc… and absorbs every bit of it like a sponge. He knows more than just a little bit about everything, and trying to hold a conversation with him is complicated at times. Unfortunately, he became a poster child for the drug commercial where the guy holds up an egg and says, “This is your brain”. Then holds up a frying pan and says, “This is drugs”. He then cracks the egg into the pan and starts frying it and says, “This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?” Thank God we got the boy off the stove in time to save what was left of his noggin! A mind is, after all, a terrible thing to waste.
So we got another baby yesterday. I know…I know…I got rocks in my head, don’t I? Honestly, Bon is absolutely driving me bonkers! That little guy has more energy to burn than I’ve ever seen in any other puppy. He sleeps with us (of course he does!) and crawls up onto my head every night, several times a night, to get my attention so he can go outside to potty. At least that’s a good thing. Night before last I got really pissed, yelled at the husband to take him out, and found myself waking up later to him on the floor next to my side of the bed whimpering. My husband wasn’t laying with me, so Bon and I go downstairs searching for him, only to find him stretched out on the couch. Umm…WTF! I woke him up, asked him why the dog was left upstairs for me to tend to, and he told me that he hadn’t been; that he had let him out and then laid with him on the couch so I could get some rest. Know what that means? The dog literally came upstairs, pushed open the door, and came to my side of the bed to get me! ((groan)) I think this goes to show who does the majority of the raising in this house, right? I REST MY CASE!
It was my idea to get a another puppy for this puppy so he has a friend to play with, teethe on, and hopefully wear him out so I don’t have to anymore. I thought perhaps it was going to be less work with two then it is with one, because the other could keep Bon occupied. Umm…yeah. I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed anymore. Okay, so anyway we decided not to go the lap-puppy route this time, but rather get another large dog so we don’t have to worry about feeding the coyotes again. I found a beautiful pic of some chocolate Labs online, so we ventured out yesterday to see if we could find a lil princess for our new prince. Oh, she’s darling. I swear! We nabbed her in a heartbeat, as she was the most energetic and took to Bon right away. Keeping with the Scotch-Irish theme of my ancestry and the Old Man’s, and given that we named Bon after the great, Bon Scott (Founding member and late, lead singer of AC/DC), I named her Bronagh Aeryn, which in Irish is supposed to mean Sorrow/Peace. (I thought the combination appropriate given why I got her and what I hope she gives me.) Of course, I’m just calling her ‘lil gurl’.
Okay, so all was wonderful last night. The little darlings both played and behaved; going outside to potty when they needed to. I finished my laundry, put fresh sheets and blanket on my bed, and we settled in for the night with Bon and her sleeping soundly on our bed at our feet. We only had to get up once last night to let them out. ((sigh)) Everything is going to work out fine.
The husband gets up and is out of the house by five am. Then moments after the truck pulls out of the drive I hear a gagging. WTF?
Ugh!…Bon puked all over the scrolled iron-work of my footboard. (I wondered if he was going to get sick after seeing the way he was trying to out-eat Bronagh last night.)
So I’m hurriedly picking him up off the bed and setting him on the floor before he does more damage when…..
Yep….Bronagh peed all over the comforter. Noooo!!!!
So now here I am grabbing her from off of the bed to set her on the floor and guess what Bon did next?
Oh yeah….right while I was standing there tending to her.
Now you might think this was the end of the fiasco, but no. I struggled to carry fat-ass Bon in one arm and Bronagh in the other, barely making it to the foot of the stairs, sat her down to usher him out first and what do you know….
Oh yeah…the morning would not have been complete without one of them having diarrhea! Bronagh was the lucky one this morning.
In case you’re wondering why I documented all these messes, it’s because I didn’t want to look like I was doing any embellishing, thank you very much!
I kenneled them both after that in Hound Dog’s old kennel, and went to work at five-thirty this morning cleaning up messes. Mark my word, by tonight the spare room will be straightened up, Sully’s large kennel will be set up, and the kids will have their own bedroom. No more sleeping with Mommy and Daddy. Yuck! After, I sat on the front steps and watched the sun come up with a steaming mug of coffee clenched in my weary hand.
I hung outside with the ‘kids’ for a while after.
Yes, Bronagh Aeryn is supposed to mean Sorrow/Peace, which I thought was more than appropriate. I have to accept that life is what I make of it, and I just have to deal with the unexpected as best I can. Another door closed, but yet another also opened because of it. This morning in spite of the rude ‘awakening’ I feel more at peace. I once again have two little children lying at my feet.