Bikini Shopping at Easter?

Howdy 🙂

I thought I’d slide in here and drop a few lines since I slacked yesterday and didn’t post anything. In my defense I was trying to download some of my favorite blogs into my sidebar so others can take a peek at them, and was surfing other sites to look for more I might find interesting. I’m still a bit of a novice at everything—having only just started blogging myself this January—and have spent most of my time just trying to figure out how to set up my page, post, and get established (and even then it’s hit-or-miss). I’m a bit of a techno-illiterate, so it can be time-consuming. Anyway, I just thought I owed others the courtesy of reading their blogs, and sacrificed mine yesterday to make the time.

So what have I been up to today? Well, while the rest of you are preparing for Easter tomorrow by setting out your finest clothes for church, getting a head-start on coloring eggs and preparing side-dishes for your Easter feast, I’ve been bikini shopping. Yes, you heard me right. Bikini shopping!

I don’t have a damn thing going tomorrow and frankly am a little bugged about it. My husband doesn’t do church, so that rules out the sweet, floral dress, matching gloves and hat I might be able to wear while celebrating at church with my family. My teenage boy decided that sitting home with my husband, Mr. Fun-Hater and me sounded harsher than water torture, so he made plans to stay in the city with his old buddy and his family for the weekend. My daughter has her in-laws so far up the crack of her little family’s butt that she and my grandchildren can’t make a move without them on the holidays, so I never get a chance to celebrate with them anymore. I try to understand. I know that it’s not her as much as it is her controlling boyfriend, and it must be pretty hard to get around with adult carcasses hanging out of your ass and dragging their heels on the ground! Last but not least, in this gripping drama, is that my oldest son just went to the joint, and our applications for visitation haven’t been approved yet. Yeah, so why am I bugged about Easter again?

I decided to cheer myself up and do a little pre-summer window-shopping on Ebay. No time like the present to get a head start on what’s out there. I attempted it a couple months ago, but figured I’d give it time to see if the pickin’s improved.

Okay, so here’s where I am: A few weeks ago I had the brilliant idea that the first thing I needed to do to get prepared for summer was to get my butt in gear and get healthy. I’d been feeling awful and run-down (I had no idea at the time that it was because I’d gotten that TMJ Joint Disorder and gum infection from the procedure the dentist did on me), thought maybe I needed to invest in some really good vitamins, and pick myself up a workout video to try and get my energy back from having slacked over the winter months. This I did. I ordered a bottle of ‘Rainbow Light Women’s One Multivitamins’ that’s chock-full of good stuff, has probiotics, is supposed to boost your energy, and has received great reviews. I also did a little Amazon shopping and bought myself a workout dvd by Marisa Tomei called “Core and Curves”. I received both last Friday, started taking the vitamins that day, but was putting off the dvd till this past Monday when I could be alone in the house without the judging eyes of my husband and son watching me. Yeah, the thought of exercising in front of others is almost cringe-worthy for me. This was the plan and I thought it a great one. Then I had my doctor’s appointment the next day.

Well, the whole sickness thing pretty much threw a wrench in my plans this week. I was hoping the doctor would tell me that stress was causing my headaches and fatigue, but that wasn’t the case. Once I realized I was really sick, I thought it best to put off the workout video till I gave myself a bit of a chance to heal. I did sit down and watch it while smoking a cigarette, you know…to see what her techniques were, but I don’t think that counts. As far as the vitamins go, I couldn’t tell you if they’re helping or not, cause I’m sick and still feel a bit like shit. ((Sigh)) Anyway, the point is I do have a plan—although it’s currently on pause awaiting my recovery—and figured since I do and I fully intend to follow through on it, it wouldn’t be too premature to find the perfect suit now. Right?

I love Ebay. I love the variety, how convenient it is to just type in what you’re looking for and a selection pops up. I love that you can buy used or new. That being said, how in the world can there be absolutely nothing on there that I’d feel comfortable wearing? It’s not like I’m a freaking walrus looking for something to compliment me. I’m a middle-aged woman and just want a suit somewhere between booty-licious and Amish, and for the life of me can’t seem to find shit! Does no one cater to our type anymore?

I’m pale, with blond hair and blue eyes, so I try to steer clear of black, white, or yellow, as all these tend to ‘wash out’ my skin. I’m middle aged so I don’t want anything with ruffles, glitter, or words like “I’m hot!” written on it. I don’t kid myself about my age. I breast-fed three kids, so it’s likely you won’t see my girls in a flimsy, triangle top, but probably something that has support. I don’t want a swim-dress because I feel that screams I’ve given up. But I also can’t do string bikini bottoms or boy shorts, because it’s supposed to be all about complimenting and accentuating what you have, and um…I don’t see either of those working with Mr. Muffin-top! All I wanted, all I was looking for, was a modest, under-wire, bikini top, and matching pair of swim shorts (the board short type). How hard can that be? Apparently, damn hard!  I found myself wading through micro-bikini’s, monokini’s, tankini’s, booty-bikini’s, and stripper-wear. Do you know what I found? Absolutely nothing I was searching for that I liked in my size! Needless to say, it gave me a headache, so I decided to blog.

My mind feels refreshed now that I’ve vented, and I think I’m up to the task of looking again. I’ve decided my best bet is just to find a solid-colored bikini top, and buy some printed, board shorts separately. Maybe add a cute little cover up to give it a bit of sass and mix it up a little. Of course, if worse comes to worst, I can always say to hell with the suit, get me a darling, little sundress instead, and call it ‘good’ just wading in the water. Better yet, if it has an empire-waist I won’t even have to break a sweat with the dvd! Wait!… How in the world did I get here again?