Dry Humor Is My Drug Of Choice

I’ve really got to stop watching the early morning news. There’s just nothing quite like starting your day to a fresh cup of coffee with a little murder and mayhem. Goodness…you can feel the warmth just radiate through you. Ugh!

So here I am at six am, lying in bed, enjoying my first cup of the day, and watching The Today Show, which allows occasional interruptions of your own news and weather. There’s been a shooting in the Omaha area—surprise…surprise…as if we don’t already know that’s a metropolis of misery—a drive-by in someone’s home in Council Bluffs near where I used to live, a double shooting not far away in Southwest Iowa—I think the guy claimed when he placed the call that he murdered his wife and was turning the gun on himself—and a suspected tornado tore through another small, Southwestern Iowa town. Notice I said, ‘suspected’. Are they ignorant? How is it a ‘suspected’ tornado when people are missing the second story of their house? Umm…what do they think did that, wind? Duh!

Now that’s just the local shit, mind you. The Today show is covering the Mississippi flooding, the Cannes film festival, and for good measure throws a little, Omar Bin Laden in to mix it up some. I’m sitting there trying to get over the horror of the flooding and tragic look on the face of a big, burley man who’s having to leave a home he says he built with his own two hands, when suddenly the coverage skips over to Meredith Vieira’s smiling face as she’s sitting with her back to what I can only assume is Port De Cannes Marina, with like a bazillion yachts anchored. Yeah, way to make the flood victims and their plight seem reeeeally important, dumb-asses! And I mean the anchors don’t miss a beat in switching ‘plastic’ faces from one emotion to another. Is it just me, or do the rest of you find this appalling?

Okay, so you know I almost expect this. I mean, they have a job to do, and frankly I’m partial to that particular show because I actually think they do it better than anyone else. Still, it tends to weigh uneasily on me sometimes, and I have a hard time stomaching it. The really ironic part though is that I found something about the interview on Omar Bin Laden more disturbing, and frankly what disturbed me most was that I did. Shamefully, it wasn’t his rant that the United States assassinated his father, but rather the way he looked. How he was dressed. I found myself sitting up in bed and putting on my glasses to make sure he didn’t just have on a black shirt, or something. No, it was a black, leather, biker jacket. A biker jacket? I don’t know why I found this so absurd, but I actually started laughing and couldn’t help thinking What a poser! God, I hope that isn’t a cheesy attempt on his part to try and appear more Americanized. I can just picture his asking someone to run out and find a visual aid that clearly depicts an adult, American male, and them coming back with an old, vcr tape of some shit like “Rebel Without A Cause” or “Easy Rider”. He sits there watching the tape, while fingering his goatie. “Hmm…so that’s how they roll. Go get me a jacket!”

Eh, I know most of you don’t see the humor in things that I do, but that’s okay…any way I can get it works for me. I had this discussion with Pandora Patty some time ago about my personality. We talked about how people either love me or hate me, and why I was so confused about that. I mean I’m a really approachable person; I’ve been told easy on the eyes, always try to be respectful and courteous of others, generous when the opportunity presents itself and I’m able to help, have a great sense of humor, errrrrr…..screech…..HALT!

Pandora Patty:  “It’s a dry sense of humor.”

Me:  “I thought I was funny. I have a dry sense of humor?”

Pandora Patty:  “Yep.”

Me:  “That comes across as sarcasm, right?”

Pandora Patty:  “Yep.”

Me:  “Seriously?”

Pandora Patty.  “Well, yeah…no one’s ever told you that before?” She sounds surprised, and I’m not sure if I should be concerned by that.

Me:  I almost hesitate to answer, as I’m digging deep in my memories for the reactions of numerous people from my past. “No. They either laugh and join in, or just walk away. I just thought they had a lousy sense of humor or something.”

Pandora Patty:  “No, it’s because they don’t ‘get’ you. They don’t know if you’re joking or not.” She says this with a bit of humor, like she still can’t believe that this personality trait of mine has gone completely unnoticed by me.

Me:  “No shit? Well, that explains a lot, doesn’t it? But you think I’m funny. I make you laugh all the time…” Now I’m shamefully fishing for a little reassurance after just realizing I come across as a complete bitch to most people.

Pandora Patty:  She laughs. “Yeah, I do. But I have a dry sense of humor too, so I ‘get’ you.”

Wow! Was all I could think. How the hell did that slip past me? It made a lot of sense though. I’ve always said that when people first meet me they either love me or hate me, they get me or they don’t. Sheesh, I thought it was because I either have a potty mouth, women feel threatened by me because I come across as too flirty, or because I’m honest to a fault and it annoys the hell out of them. It’s my sense of humor? Okay, I admit probably the other too, but I can more readily accept that about myself, because well…I already knew that! Anyway, I found that to be a major moment of enlightenment that bugged me at first, I thought I should perhaps pay more attention to how I’m coming across to people, then quickly decided that if they don’t get me in the first place, they’re probably not the type of people I would choose to hang with anyway (this is where I chime in singing, “I got friends in lowwww places…”), so basically fuck em if they can’t take MY joke!

So anyway, I thought the Omar Bin Laden apparel thing hilarious anyway, and a good chuckle is a great way to start one’s day. Dry humor can be a great drug to take the edge off. How about you? What crazy shit did you find humor in? What’s your drug of choice?